here is a conversation between me and my friend at 1 am about religion.
Goddamn Lepers: god created everything. some humans screwed it up and were banished. lots of time passed and lots of people were smoted. Jesus came, was killed, and god got angry
Shenlong5931: im liking it so far
Goddamn Lepers: then moses, fled egypt, ran around in the desert for a while after talking to a tree
Shenlong5931: wasn't it a bush?
Goddamn Lepers: w/e
Goddamn Lepers: settled in the desert next to a sea which could not support life
Goddamn Lepers: and after that there was some more smoting
Goddamn Lepers: some wars
Goddamn Lepers: amen
Shenlong5931: well, i really only have to read genesis/mathew, so this is gettinga little off topic. but i like it nonetheless
Goddamn Lepers: moral: god is good. god is vengeful. be good and dont fuck around
Goddamn Lepers: im sure there are some lepers in there somewhere
Goddamn Lepers: goddamn lepers
Shenlong5931: yeah, jesus healed them somewhere along the line
Goddamn Lepers: right right
Goddamn Lepers: and then they klled him
Shenlong5931: you better believe it
Goddamn Lepers: hmm. christianity isnt all smiles and sunshine
Goddamn Lepers: in fact, most people who were major players lived very miserable lives
Shenlong5931: christianity isn't half that.
Shenlong5931: indeed
Goddamn Lepers: are there any religions that promote violence, intoxication, drugs, and canoodling?
Shenlong5931: i don't know. if you look and find any, i'd like to be told though.
Goddamn Lepers: maybe ill form my own church
Goddamn Lepers: YAY FALSE IDOLS!
Shenlong5931: can i be your god? and if not, how about the high priest?
Goddamn Lepers: how about being my jesus. he died in a motorcycle accident after playing chicken with muhammed
Goddamn Lepers: he then came back to life
Goddamn Lepers: as a talking fishstick
Shenlong5931: can the fishtick move as well? or do i just have divine powers?
Goddamn Lepers: sure
Shenlong5931: awesome. sounds good
Goddamn Lepers: lets see the holy checklist: God. Check. Savior. Check. Resurrection Check. Morals. No check. Holy War. No check
Goddamn Lepers: so
Goddamn Lepers: i still have to wage a holy war
Shenlong5931: hmm. got any problems with a certain group of people? besides lepers?
Goddamn Lepers: we shall have leper colonies
Goddamn Lepers: many leper colonies
Goddamn Lepers: in vermont
Shenlong5931: i never did like vermont
Goddamn Lepers: and we shall conduct our holy war against....
Goddamn Lepers: Those buddhist dudes in tibet
Goddamn Lepers: bout time they got their enlightened asses kicked
Shenlong5931: oooh. that'll be popular
Goddamn Lepers: well, for one thing it'll be easy
Goddamn Lepers: haha, stupid pacifists
Goddamn Lepers: pansies
Shenlong5931: well, thats what they get
Goddamn Lepers: damn. my religion is gonna be so kick ass
Shenlong5931: we'll have converts flocking in from all over the place.
Goddamn Lepers: who wouldnt want this religon
Goddamn Lepers: is suits everyone: teenagers. sexual predators. alcoholics. hippies. bums...
Shenlong5931: all the important people anyway
Goddamn Lepers: hehe
Goddamn Lepers: and the best part is that we can make a huge load of money
Goddamn Lepers: the church pays no taxes
Goddamn Lepers: and no one likes investigating them
Shenlong5931: can we have catacombs too?
Goddamn Lepers: yes so we can set up a smuggling buisness
Shenlong5931: and keep our huge coffers behind boobytraps in the catacombs
Goddamn Lepers: shipping toads from brazil
Goddamn Lepers: cool
Goddamn Lepers: toads and fishsticks
Shenlong5931: can we stuff the toads with drugs before hand? that way we can kill 2 birds with 1 stone
Goddamn Lepers: but u miss my point
Goddamn Lepers: the toads ARE the drugs
Goddamn Lepers: the poisonous ones
Shenlong5931: thats even better then. stuffing drugs with drugs
Goddamn Lepers: drugs and fishsticks
Goddamn Lepers: see we pass out our idol with the toads
Goddamn Lepers: so
Goddamn Lepers: when everyone is tripping out
Goddamn Lepers: our fishsticks will seem to talk to them
Goddamn Lepers: and bam! instant converts
Shenlong5931: mmmmm. converts....
Shenlong5931: can we have mini-cults bridging off of our religion?
Goddamn Lepers: of course
Shenlong5931: but that brings up the question: do we allow human sacrifices, or just animal?
Goddamn Lepers: they can worship other objects and foods such as hamburgers. screwdrivers, and maple syrup
Goddamn Lepers: hmm
Goddamn Lepers: maybe not every kind of human sacrifice
Goddamn Lepers: only lepers
Shenlong5931: that might be hard to do though
Goddamn Lepers: thats why we would have the colonies
Goddamn Lepers: what? kill lepers?
Shenlong5931: they tend to have limbs falling off and whatnot. very contagious
Goddamn Lepers: so we have more sacrifices then
Shenlong5931: i like
Goddamn Lepers: or hazmat suits
Goddamn Lepers: that would be cool
Goddamn Lepers: instead of robes
Goddamn Lepers: our high priests would wear hazmat suits
Shenlong5931: scary
Shenlong5931: like in E.T.
Goddamn Lepers: yea
Goddamn Lepers: wait
Goddamn Lepers: was ET a leper?
Goddamn Lepers: i didnt know that
Goddamn Lepers: goddamn alien lepers...
Shenlong5931: no, but they wore hazmat suits
Goddamn Lepers: oh
Shenlong5931: ooh. thats scary sounding. what if they can shoot their contagions at us
Goddamn Lepers: hmm, we can use them in our holy war then
Goddamn Lepers: turn the buddhists into lepers
Shenlong5931: but then when the pacifists, give us hugs, they infect us.
Goddamn Lepers: ah
Goddamn Lepers: but they wont have any limbs
Shenlong5931: they'd still have torsos though
Goddamn Lepers: torsos cannot hug
Goddamn Lepers: or move
Shenlong5931: but we can trip on them
Shenlong5931: or we could just burn them up while they're on the ground. that'd take care of any diseases
Goddamn Lepers: i guess
Goddamn Lepers: stupid lepers
Goddamn Lepers: wanna give us hugs
Goddamn Lepers: and make us trip
Goddamn Lepers: maybe only the priests would conduct holy war
Shenlong5931: that way we're all in hazmat suits
Goddamn Lepers: that way no one gets hurt
Goddamn Lepers: yea
Goddamn Lepers: except the buddhists
Shenlong5931: well, thats what they get.
Goddamn Lepers: its great planning this now so i wont have to deal with it later
Shenlong5931: but wait!
Shenlong5931: if we kill the buddhists, won't they just come back as a higher life form?
Goddamn Lepers: no
Shenlong5931: or as a different life form?
Goddamn Lepers: because their religion sucks
Shenlong5931: ah. so their entire belief system is wrong. gotcha
Goddamn Lepers: yea
Goddamn Lepers: thats why we are making a new religion
Goddamn Lepers: because all other beliefs are wrong
Shenlong5931: well, as soon as you get this whole thing started, i definitely want in
Shenlong5931: can i have my own harem?
Goddamn Lepers: sure
Goddamn Lepers: harems for everyone!
Goddamn Lepers: maybe the first 10 converts
Shenlong5931: there would be no other religion in the world. everybody would join us
Shenlong5931: ah
Goddamn Lepers: hehe
Shenlong5931: so then we get like 10k in a rush, trying to be the first ten. then our religion is started
Goddamn Lepers: Act now and get a free harem. hurry supplies are limited
Shenlong5931: and once you join, you can't quit.
Shenlong5931: hehe
Goddamn Lepers: otherwise
Goddamn Lepers: you will be exposed to lepracy
Shenlong5931: leper colony for the quitters
Goddamn Lepers: WAIT!
Goddamn Lepers: i thought of a fantastic idea
Goddamn Lepers: instead of having the priests wage holy war
Goddamn Lepers: how about we have the leprachauns
Goddamn Lepers: they are immune to lepracy right?
Shenlong5931: it makes a weird sort of sense
Goddamn Lepers: and the leprachauns would join because they are irish
Shenlong5931: so not only do we have high priests and the most kick-ass religion, we have leprechauns
Goddamn Lepers: no one can resist free beer
Shenlong5931: and they love the free booze
Shenlong5931: mmmm. leprechauns
Goddamn Lepers: hehe
Goddamn Lepers: howabout this for irony
Shenlong5931: and then, according to the simpsons, we won't have to worry about gypsies
Goddamn Lepers: leprachauns are the high priests
Goddamn Lepers: yea
Shenlong5931: i like
Goddamn Lepers: because gypsies love leprachauns
Goddamn Lepers: and they can curse people
Goddamn Lepers: and so can the irish
Goddamn Lepers: sweet
Shenlong5931: but they might get all uppity if we give them to much power. then we'd have to smite them, and we'd have no defense against the lepers besides our hazmat suits
Shenlong5931: maybe they could be just quasi-high priests
Goddamn Lepers: howabout the low priests
Goddamn Lepers: that way
Goddamn Lepers: they can reach the podium

YAY

Way Too Long, and Way Too Pointless for me to strain my eyes reading it.

Yes. Very long and very pointless.

Originally posted by Evil Homer
Yes. Very long and very pointless.

Yep, glad to see you agree.

One of those posts where I just scroll to the replies and read those instead to see what the joke was about.

You might want to take the time to read it someday. Its pretty odd, and I wrote it. But first, don't sleep for a few days, then you'll get it. You can't understand it in a solid state of mind.

If I attempted to read all that, I couldnt sleep for a few days, because I'd still be reading it.

It looks longer than it is. Many of the lines only contain 3 or 4 words. Ive seen much shorter and at the same time longer posts on this site.

And I dont read any of the lone ones....to save me the time, what was the gist of it?

Im forming my own religion. Our savior is a talking fishstick. We shall wage holy war against tibet using lepers as weapons. Leprachauns will be our low priests. Oh and yea, we run a blackmarket buisness of smuggling poisonous toads into the US from columbia. And the toads are filled with fishsticks.

Originally posted by Evil Homer
We shall wage holy war against tibet using lepers as weapons.

They make good fragmentation weapons.

Strange to me.

Originally posted by Evil Homer
You might want to take the time to read it someday. Its pretty odd, and I wrote it. But first, don't sleep for a few days, then you'll get it. You can't understand it in a solid state of mind.

Originally posted by JereJereBinks
If I attempted to read all that, I couldnt sleep for a few days, because I'd still be reading it.

Now THAT's funny!:D

Originally posted by Evil Homer
Im forming my own religion. Our savior is a talking fishstick. We shall wage holy war against tibet using lepers as weapons. Leprachauns will be our low priests. Oh and yea, we run a blackmarket buisness of smuggling poisonous toads into the US from columbia. And the toads are filled with fishsticks.

Wow!

I guess its a good thing I didnt waste my time reading it.:rolleyes:

Yep. Whole thing would indeed be a waste of time.

Worst humor thread EVER.

YAY. For once in my life i hold a record!

Keep up the good work son. ;)