AnnCoultersSon
08-02-2004, 12:15 AM
Warning: Below is an unfair fictional story about George Bush, but it based on some facts. If you are easily offended don’t read it. If you have a twisted sense of humor, you will love it. PICTURES INCLUDED!!!! You will have to scroll past the pictures to get to the story. Author: 6502DINFANTRY
www.utterwonder.com/archives/images/naughty_squirrels.jpg
http://www.knot-head.com/images/OvalOffice1_re_web.jpg
George Bush and his Campaign Manager Larry the Cockroach Discuss George’s Night Out.
Larry (cockroach): George! George! What the fuck do you think you are doing?
George (in a sad voice, falling out of his car): Larry? Me? I was just having a few drinks. You know . . . party hardy!! (He raises his arms and falls over in a drunken stupor.)
Larry (cockroach): Don’t you remember? Bitch, you can’t drink? You ain’t supposed to drive either, especially after drinking a case of Zima. Your ass got arrested for drunk driving? Do you want that happen again? Tell me George, how many people did you hit when you were out driving?
George (with a giggle): Let me see . . . I got a teenager on a bicycle on Broadway. They tried to pedal away, but squish. On Elm and Third, I got a man on crutches. Heehee . . . He crossed the crutches in front of him before I got him. It made a great crunching sound. Then I saw a nun on a moeped going down Main Street. Did you know that nuns swear like sailors when you run them down? She even flipped me off, and then squish. My favorite was the woman in the pink tutu and her little black poodle. It was a double points opportunity! They were all communist liberals and squirrel sympathizers.
Larry (cockroach): Shit! Who gave you the keys to the damn car? Some one is going to get fired! We need a god damn leash!
George (giggling like a little school girl): Evil liberal squirrels are conspiring against me. They are out to get me. Squirrel spies use trees as secret communist radio antennas that beam Elmer Fudd’s thoughts into my brain. They plan to raise taxes, legalize pot, and allow gay marriage. We must declare war on the squirrels to keep America safe from the liberals.
Larry (rolling his eyes): George? Did you take your pills George? You are losing it again. Life was so much easier when I was working for tobacco companies.
http://www.utterwonder.com/archives/images/naughty_squirrels.jpg
George (more serious tone): The evil horny liberal communist squirrels are out to get me! They are humping in the trees, and I have seen with my own eyes. Right in front of the White House they are humping in the trees! One horny squirrel just jumped on top another and pounded away in broad day light. Bang . . Bang . . .Bang. . . . Bang. Elmer Fudd told me what to do. With a 50 caliber machine gun mounted on the roof of the White House, I can get the humping horny squirrels. And I can mow down all the liberal horny squirrel sympathizers. We must keep America safe from horny squirrels and the horny squirrel sympathizers!
(Larry suddenly stops talking and looks down at George who is in a cheerleader outfit.)
Larry (like he is talking to a child): What the hell are you wearing George? That damn cheerleader outfit? George, you haven’t been a cheerleader since you left college.
George: But I look so cute. The sweater is nice and tight and made of chiffon. My pink ballet slippers match my pink fishnet stocking. The mini-skirt is so sweet and short, with tiny little hearts. Watch this! (George stands up and swirls, lifting up the skirt.)
Larry: Fuck George! Wear some damn underwear when you do that? No one wants to see that teenie weenie. Shit! This could be a problem. Where else did you go?
George (with a huge smile): The Village People were playing down at the Boy’s Bar. Collin Powell invited me to go and dance with them. His voice is so sweet, and he knows how to shake his ass. I couldn’t wait to dance with him.
Larry: What? Collin is still singing YMCA? You danced as a cheerleader? You were in the bar dancing as a cheerleader?
http://www.allstar-fun.com/images/hires/village.jpg
George: No . . . No, I would never do that! I am a cowboy. Cowboys are great! They get a hat, chaps, boots and spurs. Every one loves it when I wear my hat and my leather chaps. They smack my ass when I walk by.
Larry: What? Tell me George what were you wearing under your leather chaps?
George: This cowboy goes nude under his chaps. Yipe! Smack my ass baby! We have pictures. Do you want to see the pictures?
Larry: Do I really want to ask this? Oh well . . . . George, what else did you do?
George (licking his lips): I made $500 dollars giving lap dances. Grind baby, grind! Is there something in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Pinch my ass baby! I made an extra hundred dollars too. I was under the table, smoking the indian chief’s pipe, if you know what I mean.
Larry: Please tell me that is all you did!
George: DICK Chaney was first in line for lap dances. His hands are so strong and firm.
Larry: What? I thought you two had stopped doing that? You could give DICK a heart attack. Hell, the last time he climbed on top of you, he got so excited that he spent a month in the hospital.
George: When I was sitting on DICK’s lap, he said we should spend more time together.
Larry: George, I don’t want to know please DON’T tell me.
George: I knew what to do because I saw the horny squirrels do it. I bent over, and DICK went bang . . . bang . . . bang . . . bang. It was great and I hadn’t had that much fun since I was a cheerleader in college.
The end.
Actual facts used in this fictional satire.
1. George Bush was a cheerleader in college
2. George Bush was arrested for drunk driving.
3. Colin Powell sang YMCA as a member of YMCA
4. George Bush is a cowboy.
5. George Bush is a draft dodger who was afraid of serving in Vietnam.
6. DICK Chaney has heart problems.
7. Ann Coulter is a bitch!
8. Gay men think Bush looks cute in his cowboy hat.
9. Evil horny liberal communist squirrels beam Elmer Fudd’s thoughts into Bush’s brain.
What do your thinK? Do you have any suggestions to improve my work?
I would really like to have input from people on the right and left.
Should I continue my stories?
More segments to come. Copy the whole thing and send it to your friends. 6502D
www.utterwonder.com/archives/images/naughty_squirrels.jpg
http://www.knot-head.com/images/OvalOffice1_re_web.jpg
George Bush and his Campaign Manager Larry the Cockroach Discuss George’s Night Out.
Larry (cockroach): George! George! What the fuck do you think you are doing?
George (in a sad voice, falling out of his car): Larry? Me? I was just having a few drinks. You know . . . party hardy!! (He raises his arms and falls over in a drunken stupor.)
Larry (cockroach): Don’t you remember? Bitch, you can’t drink? You ain’t supposed to drive either, especially after drinking a case of Zima. Your ass got arrested for drunk driving? Do you want that happen again? Tell me George, how many people did you hit when you were out driving?
George (with a giggle): Let me see . . . I got a teenager on a bicycle on Broadway. They tried to pedal away, but squish. On Elm and Third, I got a man on crutches. Heehee . . . He crossed the crutches in front of him before I got him. It made a great crunching sound. Then I saw a nun on a moeped going down Main Street. Did you know that nuns swear like sailors when you run them down? She even flipped me off, and then squish. My favorite was the woman in the pink tutu and her little black poodle. It was a double points opportunity! They were all communist liberals and squirrel sympathizers.
Larry (cockroach): Shit! Who gave you the keys to the damn car? Some one is going to get fired! We need a god damn leash!
George (giggling like a little school girl): Evil liberal squirrels are conspiring against me. They are out to get me. Squirrel spies use trees as secret communist radio antennas that beam Elmer Fudd’s thoughts into my brain. They plan to raise taxes, legalize pot, and allow gay marriage. We must declare war on the squirrels to keep America safe from the liberals.
Larry (rolling his eyes): George? Did you take your pills George? You are losing it again. Life was so much easier when I was working for tobacco companies.
http://www.utterwonder.com/archives/images/naughty_squirrels.jpg
George (more serious tone): The evil horny liberal communist squirrels are out to get me! They are humping in the trees, and I have seen with my own eyes. Right in front of the White House they are humping in the trees! One horny squirrel just jumped on top another and pounded away in broad day light. Bang . . Bang . . .Bang. . . . Bang. Elmer Fudd told me what to do. With a 50 caliber machine gun mounted on the roof of the White House, I can get the humping horny squirrels. And I can mow down all the liberal horny squirrel sympathizers. We must keep America safe from horny squirrels and the horny squirrel sympathizers!
(Larry suddenly stops talking and looks down at George who is in a cheerleader outfit.)
Larry (like he is talking to a child): What the hell are you wearing George? That damn cheerleader outfit? George, you haven’t been a cheerleader since you left college.
George: But I look so cute. The sweater is nice and tight and made of chiffon. My pink ballet slippers match my pink fishnet stocking. The mini-skirt is so sweet and short, with tiny little hearts. Watch this! (George stands up and swirls, lifting up the skirt.)
Larry: Fuck George! Wear some damn underwear when you do that? No one wants to see that teenie weenie. Shit! This could be a problem. Where else did you go?
George (with a huge smile): The Village People were playing down at the Boy’s Bar. Collin Powell invited me to go and dance with them. His voice is so sweet, and he knows how to shake his ass. I couldn’t wait to dance with him.
Larry: What? Collin is still singing YMCA? You danced as a cheerleader? You were in the bar dancing as a cheerleader?
http://www.allstar-fun.com/images/hires/village.jpg
George: No . . . No, I would never do that! I am a cowboy. Cowboys are great! They get a hat, chaps, boots and spurs. Every one loves it when I wear my hat and my leather chaps. They smack my ass when I walk by.
Larry: What? Tell me George what were you wearing under your leather chaps?
George: This cowboy goes nude under his chaps. Yipe! Smack my ass baby! We have pictures. Do you want to see the pictures?
Larry: Do I really want to ask this? Oh well . . . . George, what else did you do?
George (licking his lips): I made $500 dollars giving lap dances. Grind baby, grind! Is there something in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Pinch my ass baby! I made an extra hundred dollars too. I was under the table, smoking the indian chief’s pipe, if you know what I mean.
Larry: Please tell me that is all you did!
George: DICK Chaney was first in line for lap dances. His hands are so strong and firm.
Larry: What? I thought you two had stopped doing that? You could give DICK a heart attack. Hell, the last time he climbed on top of you, he got so excited that he spent a month in the hospital.
George: When I was sitting on DICK’s lap, he said we should spend more time together.
Larry: George, I don’t want to know please DON’T tell me.
George: I knew what to do because I saw the horny squirrels do it. I bent over, and DICK went bang . . . bang . . . bang . . . bang. It was great and I hadn’t had that much fun since I was a cheerleader in college.
The end.
Actual facts used in this fictional satire.
1. George Bush was a cheerleader in college
2. George Bush was arrested for drunk driving.
3. Colin Powell sang YMCA as a member of YMCA
4. George Bush is a cowboy.
5. George Bush is a draft dodger who was afraid of serving in Vietnam.
6. DICK Chaney has heart problems.
7. Ann Coulter is a bitch!
8. Gay men think Bush looks cute in his cowboy hat.
9. Evil horny liberal communist squirrels beam Elmer Fudd’s thoughts into Bush’s brain.
What do your thinK? Do you have any suggestions to improve my work?
I would really like to have input from people on the right and left.
Should I continue my stories?
More segments to come. Copy the whole thing and send it to your friends. 6502D