Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.

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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can

You tell me how long

it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New

York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

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Two Mexican detectives were investigating

The murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

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The investigation of Martha Stewart continues.

Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient.

First you boil the chicken in water.

And then you dump the stock.

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New Sex Study...

It has been determined that the most used

Sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The

husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.

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A man is recovering from surgery when a

Nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O.K. but I didn't like the

four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"OOPS!"

_______

While shopping for vacation clothes, my

Husband and I passed a

display of bathing suits. It had been at least

ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a

bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get

a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never

get it all in one."

_______

_

Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old

granddaughter and beeped

the horn by mistake. She turned and looked

at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."

He replied, "How did you know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole!" afterwards.