es347fan
02-06-2004, 02:50 PM
There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
*********
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
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Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says,
"How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln apears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
**********
A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal, in a convertible sports car, for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blond for her driver's license. The blonde
convertible driver searches through her purse, in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"
The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."
The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact opens it, and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop. After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says,
"If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing."
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
*********
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
*********
OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
**********
Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says,
"How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln apears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
**********
A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal, in a convertible sports car, for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blond for her driver's license. The blonde
convertible driver searches through her purse, in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"
The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."
The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact opens it, and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop. After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says,
"If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing."