I thought this was very well explained (and so often true)...




"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST


I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

Oooh, more than a little bitter, I'd say.

Of course, the same could be written from a gal's point of view:

Whatever Happened to All the Nice Girls?

;)
SMW

I'm not bitter. Wasn't really that way when I was young. I did try to explain this (I'm sure, poorly) to my son when he was a teen. I guess I raised him to be too "old fashioned" and to treat a woman with respect.

And I would say that a "what ever happened to the nice girls" would be quite different... for our society IS quite different now.

OP - I don't think it's too old fashioned to treat women with respect and I commend you for raising your son that way. I agree - our society is quite different now.

I still respect and appreciate a man treating me the way my dad always treated my mom, and any other woman for that matter. My soon-to-be husband opens doors for me, treats me with respect, and is respectful of women in general. It took a while for me to get used to (again), because of all the jerks I've been involved with in the past. So, it does go both ways.

There are those of us women out there who appreciate a man for being a gentleman, just as I know there are still some gentlemen left out there.

~deposits .02~

I think this is true in some ways.. we are always looking for something and we never see most times it is right under our noses....I had many male friends growing up and yes some where like that but I never made fun or belittled them... all my friends where and are special to me and I still keep in touch with most of them..

But for some men and women they do use and abuse friends.

[





. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry.





Absolutely not true, OP!
I don't know a single lady who doesn't like and appreciate these things.

Myself, I have 3 sons. 2 are still at home. I raised them to be mannerly--that is, open doors, say please and thanks, etc. Bubba taught a few manners too, via the woodshed, too, but mostly it was me doing it. None lacks for girlfriends. Of course, they're all devastatingly handsome, not to mention rich, but then again, look at their mother. :eek:

Three words: girls prefer jerks. (most do anyway)

I've dated more nice guys than jerks. I guess I like both, but when I'm looking for a serious relationship it's always a nice guy. However, given the complete crazy bitch tendencies that I have, it makes me feel way less guilty to date a jerk who treats me just as badly as I treat him. Current relationship is going ok though... I've managed not to completely fuck it up yet.

I've dated more nice guys than jerks. I guess I like both, but when I'm looking for a serious relationship it's always a nice guy. However, given the complete crazy bitch tendencies that I have, it makes me feel way less guilty to date a jerk who treats me just as badly as I treat him. Current relationship is going ok though... I've managed not to completely fuck it up yet.


I've had a few that were jerks but like you said I didn't go around treating them all that well either. Of course maybe if they were nice I would have been??

Who knows. i got a nice guy now...even when I'm mad him.

:D

I'm trying something new in this relationship, called shutting the hell up. If I get annoyed at something he does, and it doesn't matter at all, I just don't say anything. I have a feeling he does the same thing. Therefore, we don't have fights about dumb things that mean nothing. To hell with "sharing your feelings" all the time...

[QUOTE=smartmouthwoman]Oooh, more than a little bitter, I'd say.

Of course, the same could be written from a gal's point of view:

Whatever Happened to All the Nice Girls?


They Moved out of Texas.It wasn't mush an Exodus.
Just a few tOOt's and one er 2 schoolmarm.

LOL, what??

"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y255/BorgHunter/spock-detecting-large-quantities-sf.jpg

Eh. I'm familiar with this story, but I think it goes both ways. Nice guys who like girls who treat them like they're dirt have the same problems as the nice girls who only date shallow, superficial men.

Besides, how can you expect a girl to fall for you when she doesn't respect you?

Nice guys need to do a better job of finding nice girls, and vice versa. The problem is just one that results when people don't have both physical attractiveness and character. In other words, it's a common problem. Grow up and figure out what's best in the long run.

Eh. I'm familiar with this story, but I think it goes both ways. Nice guys who like girls who treat them like they're dirt have the same problems as the nice girls who only date shallow, superficial men.

Besides, how can you expect a girl to fall for you when she doesn't respect you?

Nice guys need to do a better job of finding nice girls, and vice versa. The problem is just one that results when people don't have both physical attractiveness and character. In other words, it's a common problem. Grow up and figure out what's best in the long run.
QFT

I'd also add that people only treat you as bad as you allow them to.

[QUOTE=OldPhart You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy[/QUOTE]
:thumbs:

To hell with "sharing your feelings" all the time...
i wish girls were smart like you and lern to shut up.
if we wantd to talk we wuld.if we dont,leve us alone.

Three words: girls prefer jerks. (most do anyway)
ur right.ive been a jerk since my ex gf.i have 2 girls fighten over me now. lol

i wish girls were smart like you and lern to shut up.
if we wantd to talk we wuld.if we dont,leve us alone.


then don't complain the next time a girl is mad at you and you have no idea why.


I have a nice guy,that is all;)

The problem with the vast majority of "nice guys" is that they are either unable to, unwilling to, or just don't have the guts to get a woman to feel attracted to them. Instead of teasing girls, telling them fun, interesting stories, acting "just a little bit" cocky, they act reserved, buy the woman things, hold stilted, boring conversations, and in general do exactly the opposite of what they need to do.

A lot of the time, they rely on advice from people who are generally unqualified to give dating advice, like their parents who've been married for twenty years and only had each other as long as they've dated.

I'm sure most women would prefer a nice guy, but they could never bring themselves to feel attracted to them as long as they're being a stick in the mud "romantic." Lots of men just have no clue. They buy fancy fishing clothes and state of the art reels, but they use the worst bait they can find! Then they blame the fish for why they're not catching anything!

You're not exactly right, Nappy. Cocky men who "tease" me hurt my feelings and turn me off. I like quiet, romantic guys, and I prefer to make the first move. Guys who approach me first also turn me off.

I guess I'm just weird.

You're also a pretty special case, dear. We've been over this before.

then don't complain the next time a girl is mad at you and you have no idea why.


I have a nice guy,that is all;)
i didnt complan. i no why.she wantd me to talk about my burns n scars n mom. i didnt want to n she got mad.

A lot of the time, they rely on advice from people who are generally unqualified to give dating advice, like their parents who've been married for twenty years and only had each other as long as they've dated.

!
ur advice broke my fingrs.

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y255/BorgHunter/spock-detecting-large-quantities-sf.jpg
you know i'm stealing that, eh?:thumbs:

ur advice broke my fingrs.
Sorry dude. I don't know how to push stupid women away. Only bring cool ones closer.

I like quiet, romantic guys, and I prefer to make the first move. Guys who approach me first also turn me off.
im waiting. :D

You're not exactly right, Nappy. Cocky men who "tease" me hurt my feelings and turn me off. I like quiet, romantic guys, and I prefer to make the first move. Guys who approach me first also turn me off.

I guess I'm just weird.


you're not weird for knowing what you what you want.
It depends on the guy for me I guess,sometimes I didn't have a problem if they made the first move. Other times I did.
Guys who come across as cocky to me make me think they have something to hide or are insecure about themselves. I don't want to spend my time in a relationship constanly stroking his ego

Sorry dude. I don't know how to push stupid women away.
dont do what i did :lolhit:

Just a little bit. Too much will give that impression that you'll have to stroke the guy's ego the whole time. But a little bit is magic, especially if you can be funny doing it.

you know i'm stealing that, eh?:thumbs:
It's not mine. Go right ahead.

Q: What do you say to a gal with two black eyes?

A: Nothin. She's done been told twice.

:slap:

Q: What do you say to a gal with two black eyes?

A: Nothin. She's done been told twice.

:slap:
:eek:

Q: What do you say to a gal with two black eyes?

A: Nothin. She's done been told twice.

:slap:

yah not so crazy about that one..
but then I am not your wife so....:eek:

Q: What do you say to a gal with two black eyes?

A: Nothin. She's done been told twice.

:slap:


Okay, okay, knock it off with the angry PM's already.
It was just a joke, I don't beat women, and I don't advocate violence against women.

Sheesh.
:(

Why some people just can't take a joke! Maybe you ought to tell them something, no?

Why some people just can't take a joke! Maybe you ought to tell them something, no?

oh I can take a joke there nappy... I do ever day..lol
Now I know sparky is a joker but there are some jokes not funny..
Like the joke called angeldust..and all his crap.

Oh, well I guess you'd hate this website, then:
http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/

Oh, well I guess you'd hate this website, then:
http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/


I think it's dumb and it shows time could have been wasted doing something else.

Okay, okay, knock it off with the angry PM's already.
It was just a joke, I don't beat women, and I don't advocate violence against women.

Sheesh.
:(
Im sure if it were a joke denigrating men it would have been recieved warmly.

yah not so crazy about that one..
but then I am not your wife so....:eek:


you didn't see the picture he posted of what SHE did to HIM:lolhit:

Im sure if it were a joke denigrating men it would have been recieved warmly.


Personally I ignored the joke.

My panties weren't at all bunched over it!

I think it's dumb and it shows time could have been wasted doing something else.
The author is cleaning up quite nicely with an Amazon book deal, and the press generated from his appearances on Dr. Phil. I'm sure he could teach you a thing or two about time usage.

The author is cleaning up quite nicely with an Amazon book deal, and the press generated from his appearances on Dr. Phil. I'm sure he could teach you a thing or two about time usage.


Nah, I'm not big on Dr. Phil and I dont like to write.

I spend my time being a mommy and it's fulfilling enough for me.

But thanks for the advice.

Your advice is always helpful.


:rolleyes:

Well, it would sure beat the advice you tried to give him:

it shows time could have been wasted doing something else.
He's not wasting his time. Get off your high horse.

Well, it would sure beat the advice you tried to give him:


He's not wasting his time. Get off your high horse.


It's a low horse Nappy. I'm afraid of heights.

I think a girl who deserves a nice guy shouldn't have problem finding one.

I think a girl who deserves a nice guy shouldn't have problem finding one.

It's harder than you think, Dio. My problem has always been being TOO nice and allowing. That tends to draw jerks like a magnet.

I think a girl who deserves a nice guy shouldn't have problem finding one.

I agree if we stay focused.. I found a nice guy whom was my best friend first..
He is a keeper and that is what I am going to do..lol

It's harder than you think, Dio. My problem has always been being TOO nice and allowing. That tends to draw jerks like a magnet.
Yes, i think for all sexes it's tough to find a happy medium. Even then,we all have our "nice" days and our "not so nice" days.

If successful relationships were easy, then everyone desiring to be in one would. :)

Originally Posted by HaVoK
Yes, i think for all sexes it's tough to find a happy medium. Even then,we all have our "nice" days and our "not so nice" days.
Even nice girls and nice guys can become jerks at sometime in their life. no relationship stays perfect forever; and it's not what you fight about, but how you fight that causes the problems. It's the fights over really stupid things that get the most annoying, but those usually go away after a short time, but the ones that have one member performing in a "bringing up the past" or "I'm fighitng my point in this argument to prove I'm right and win" style just isn't going to hold you together for very long.

Even nice girls and nice guys can become jerks at sometime in their life. no relationship stays perfect forever; and it's not what you fight about, but how you fight that causes the problems. It's the fights over really stupid things that get the most annoying, but those usually go away after a short time, but the ones that have one member performing in a "bringing up the past" or "I'm fighitng my point in this argument to prove I'm right and win" style just isn't going to hold you together for very long.


I'm always right so theres nothing to argue about:lolhit:


I have this habit of keeping something to myself when it's bothering me and not telling the person when it happens that it bothers me. I'm getting better about that though

i didnt complan. i no why.she wantd me to talk about my burns n scars n mom. i didnt want to n she got mad.

She just wanted to get to know you better. Nothing wrong with that. But I get where you're coming from.

It's ok to talk to someone who cares about you and wants to know more about you.

I don't see nothing wrong with it.

ur advice broke my fingrs.

Alright Nap, I get it.:thumbs:

Okay, okay, knock it off with the angry PM's already.
It was just a joke, I don't beat women, and I don't advocate violence against women.

Sheesh.
:(
.

*Smacks Sparky with a feather pillow* :hug:

When have you ever needed fingers to skate, anyway?

When have you ever needed fingers to skate, anyway?

Hahaha, really!

Empty your IM, Nap.

Sorry. Scumbelina and I were having fun... You're good now.

Scumbelina? She's kinda a half wit in a nutshell, no?

Delightful lady, if only we could tame her penchant for posting all those weird pics pretending they're gaw-juss. The joke wears thin after awhile.

Delightful lady, if only we could tame her penchant for posting all those weird pics pretending they're gaw-juss. The joke wears thin after awhile.

No doubt.

Nite dear. I have a cowboy to lasso, yeehaw! :D

Don't get any saddle burns!

Nice really only becomes a problem when a guy gets boring. Being respectful is always nice, but being a pushover is just a turnoff.