I am so frusterated by this, i couldn't think of a title for this. I ill go ahead and tell you whats bothering me. I have a cousin, girl, 15 years old. My age. Me and her have been so close. She is way smarter than me, has a scholarship to a community college, in national honors society, and in the FFA club (Future Farmers of America). But even though she is nice and smart, and has her future secure, she has a wild side. And she has definately exposed this nature this week.
She went to a sponsored FFA trip to Indiana (I think) for a FFA Conference. It had everything to do with farming, and then they got to see Montgomery Gentry. Great trip, huh? Well she has always been curious about alcohol, and definately has fantisised about things concerning boys. Well she and 2 of her friends met 3 boys from a county not too far from where we live. They met them at the hotel, got vodka, and god knows what else, and got drunk, with the other boys. And one of the girls had sex with one of them!!! And of course they were caught. And now she is suspended from school for 5 days (and in my town, that is serious.). And that isn't the worst part. She will be kicked out of National Honors society, the ffa club, possibly lose her scholarship, and she will be charged as a minor for underage drinking. And if that boy that had sex with one of the girls was older than her, it could turn into a 2nd degree rape case. And they all threw their futures for that!!! I was severly shocked when i heard this, and i haven't been able to get over it. Was it really worth it?

Skiinnybones,

Stuff like that happens. Young teems get away from home and their parents, decide to try something and go too far. Your cousin is not the first person this has happened to nor will she be the last.

She probably feels really bad about now. She has broken her trust with her parents, done thngs she knows she shouldn't have done, has been suspended from school, been kicked out of the FFA and the Honor Society and might lose her scholarship. In addition the story is probably all over town by now ruining her reputation.

What she needs more than anything right about now is a friend. You say you and she have been close. Now is the time to stay close, to let her know that while you don't condone what she did you still love her and will not abandon her.

She needs you.

Yeah, what Frogger said.

I know frogger. I haven't said anything bad to her, because i know she has been lectured enough. And she told me that it really sucks when you are the one being gossiped instead of being the gossiper. Im mainly mad at her because she didn't confide in me, because she feared that what she told me would be forwarded to my grandparents, who have yet to hear this news, and will eventually hear it, and will be devestated.

don't take this the wrong way skinny but your cousin just found out the hard way that "you play,you pay"

It sucks she got everything taken away,but she had choices before engaging in her activities. She chose wrong and she knows she did.
Do like Frogger said,be there for her and help her in any way you can.

Sucks for her. You get caught, you pay the price.

don't take this the wrong way skinny but your cousin just found out the hard way that "you play,you pay"

It sucks she got everything taken away,but she had choices before engaging in her activities. She chose wrong and she knows she did.

I couldn't agree more. But the thing that is eating me is that she seems fine now. And I haven't seen any given punishments by her parents.

Unfortunately there is a saying....."Don't do the crime if you can't do the time".

Skinny.....I was once 16 and got into some trouble just like your cousin. Like Frogger said, stuff happens...she knows she did wrong and she needs all the friends she can get right now. Stand by her....don't defend her but just be her friend, like always.

I turned out ok and I know she will too. It's one of those life lessons you have to learn....and as long as she learned a lesson, then it's time well spent ;)

I couldn't agree more. But the thing that is eating me is that she seems fine now. And I haven't seen any given punishments by her parents.


She may look or act fine,but it's possible she is beating herself up inside and just doesn't want to show it on the outside.
As for the punishments,that's for her parents to decide. They may very well be still in the shocked phase. No one ever wants to believe this is their child that did something like this.
Your cousin will be fine and can still go on to college and make something of herself. She'll just have to pay for it herself now.

Lesson learned...end of story!

True True

I am so frusterated by this, i couldn't think of a title for this. I ill go ahead and tell you whats bothering me. I have a cousin, girl, 15 years old. My age. Me and her have been so close. She is way smarter than me, has a scholarship to a community college, in national honors society, and in the FFA club (Future Farmers of America). But even though she is nice and smart, and has her future secure, she has a wild side. And she has definately exposed this nature this week.
She went to a sponsored FFA trip to Indiana (I think) for a FFA Conference. It had everything to do with farming, and then they got to see Montgomery Gentry. Great trip, huh? Well she has always been curious about alcohol, and definately has fantisised about things concerning boys. Well she and 2 of her friends met 3 boys from a county not too far from where we live. They met them at the hotel, got vodka, and god knows what else, and got drunk, with the other boys. And one of the girls had sex with one of them!!! And of course they were caught. And now she is suspended from school for 5 days (and in my town, that is serious.). And that isn't the worst part. She will be kicked out of National Honors society, the ffa club, possibly lose her scholarship, and she will be charged as a minor for underage drinking. And if that boy that had sex with one of the girls was older than her, it could turn into a 2nd degree rape case. And they all threw their futures for that!!! I was severly shocked when i heard this, and i haven't been able to get over it. Was it really worth it?

Sounds to me like you are actually mad because it wasn't you getting to have sex with her.

Sounds to me like you are actually mad because it wasn't you getting to have sex with her.
Wow

Sounds to me like you are actually mad because it wasn't you getting to have sex with her. Wow, you mean you think he wanted to have sex with his cousin? That's sort of rude to tell the kid don't you think? Especially from a mod!

Wow, you mean you think he wanted to have sex with his cousin? That's sort of rude to tell the kid don't you think? Especially from a mod!

Thats the benefit of being a mod - you can say what you like with total impunity :thumbs:

But, my intention was not be rude, just to half joke with the probable truth. Had he used the words - 'dissapointed', 'concerned' et al - then I would have read it different. He's just gutted cos his cousin got to get drunk and have sex and he didn't.

Of course such rationalle doesn't apply if he happens to be a religious brainwashed type - if so...then 'so mad I can't type' might well be the automatic response.

And anyway as far as cousins go...Elvis sez its ok

http://www.elvispresley.com.au/elvis/presley/uploads/fefo_kissin_cousins.jpg

The girl got drunk and possibly fucked some guy. It isn't the end of the world. She didn't pull a Charlie Manson or rob a bank. She drank too much alcohol. Perspective, people, perspective.

How many posters got drunk before they were of legal age? How many had sex before they were married?

The school was right in suspending her, removing her from the National Honor society and the Future Farmers of America. It might even be right in taking away her scholarship. She should have been suspended because she was on a school sponsored trip when she did what she did. She broke school rules. She should be removed from the two societies if, and only if their charters have something about character. If the honor society is based only on academics her behavior should not matter since it didn't suddenly make her less intelligent. The same for the FFF. The same thing with the scholarship. Some scholarships are offered based solely on academics, some on academics plus need, and some on academics and character. It depends on what the criteria were for the scholarship.

In any case, this isn't the end of the world and she isn't an arch-criminal.

she has made love with a guy and she also has drunken something alcholic..what's the matter?

Originally Posted by Valentina88
she has made love with a guy and she also has drunken something alcholic..what's the matter?
The fact that she's not of legal age for both actions.

Valentina,

Americans are basically very puritanical. The fact that she did these things while underage is important to us. So is the fact that she did them while on a school sanctioned trip.

Sure, underage people drink every day. They also have sex every day. While this might be accepted in Europe it is not as easily accepted in the United States.

Valentina,

Americans are basically very puritanical. The fact that she did these things while underage is important to us. So is the fact that she did them while on a school sanctioned trip.

Sure, underage people drink every day. They also have sex every day. While this might be accepted in Europe it is not as easily accepted in the United States.
oh i see, i've already heard that you americans are quite puritanical, but i couldn't immagine you were so much ; there's no age limits to drink or to make sex over here ( well officially 16 is the age limit but just to buy some alcholic drinks somewhere, but to be honest never heard of someone who have had some troubles coz of that) ; and my best friend's sister, who has just 15 y.o., has got a b/f and she makes love with him quite often (she usually says many details abt that to everyone), and none could even think she should leave her school, and, finally, her reputation hasn't been ruined at all, it's quite common here

Do you really think children drinking alcohol and having sex is something to be proud of Valentina?

There are laws against such things for a reason. Children sometimes have to be protected against themselves. Young children and by young children I also mean young teenagers are not emotionally ready for either alcohol or sex.

I don't think the girl should be kicked out of school for having sex and I doubt that she was. She was suspended from school for five days. That means she couldn't attend school for five days not that she was kicked out. The reason was not the fact that she drank or had sex (we don't even know if she had sex) but that what happened happened during a school trip. Her parents expected the school to watch their child, to be in loco parentis while she was on the trip. The school failed in its responsibility to monitor the girl's activities and the girl failed in her responsibility to act in a manner befitting a student on a school sponsored trip.

I have little doubt that the school chaperones have meet with some consequences for their failure to watch over the students in their charge.

Wow, I never imagined someone would think I would be jealous of such things. DrewM thinks that i wanted to be there having sex with her. I have never, and will never think things like that towards my cousin. And I have never felt the urge to get drunk either. She is like my sister, and im shocked that someone would think something like that. But anyways, to clear something up, she didn't have sex with any of those guys that night. It was one of the other girls.

Wow, I never imagined someone would think I would be jealous of such things. DrewM thinks that i wanted to be there having sex with her. I have never, and will never think things like that towards my cousin. And I have never felt the urge to get drunk either. She is like my sister, and im shocked that someone would think something like that. But anyways, to clear something up, she didn't have sex with any of those guys that night. It was one of the other girls.

Drew's a little warped, SB... and he thinks everybody thinks like him. You seem like a nice young man who's honestly concerned for his cousin's welfare. Good for you.

:)
SMW

Drew's a little warped, SB... and he thinks everybody thinks like him. You seem like a nice young man who's honestly concerned for his cousin's welfare. Good for you.

:)
SMW
Thanks!

If the honor society is based only on academics her behavior should not matter since it didn't suddenly make her less intelligent.
I'm an NHS alum myself, and yes, NHS does include character as a prerequisite. I was booted after I got an administrative referral for something asinine--an acquaintance of mine implicated me as a co-conspirator in something he did, so I got in trouble for it as well. I managed to get readmitted upon sending them a written appeal. It's possible, skinny, that your cousin can do the same thing, though I imagine her appeal would be more along the lines of "I am very sorry for what I did and I learned a lot from it etc. etc." rather than a petulant "This is bullshit!" like I wrote. Keep in mind that her school's NHS sponsor does have the latitude to accept or reject those appeals, but it's worth a shot.

I think that is what she will be trying to do. And i think I know why i am so angry, something i didn't have an answer for. Im mad because i know, or feel that she is not telling the whole story. I feel that more happned, and she has kept it quite to keep the last of the good reputation she has.

Wow, I never imagined someone would think I would be jealous of such things. DrewM thinks that i wanted to be there having sex with her. I have never, and will never think things like that towards my cousin. And I have never felt the urge to get drunk either. She is like my sister, and im shocked that someone would think something like that. But anyways, to clear something up, she didn't have sex with any of those guys that night. It was one of the other girls.

I was pulling your leg. I'm sure you had every good intent in your anger over her actions.

Did she get to watch the other chick having sex?

She should get reprimanded, what she did was marginally wrong for sure because she broke the rules, but certainly this shouldn't ruin her life & be a cross to bear forever. Kids make mistakes. It's how they learn.

I have finally figured out why i have been so frusterated with her. It is the fact that she didn't tell me about it herself. Her mom told my mom which told me. And I now feel that i will finally be at peace with this situation if she would just tell me about it herself. Because me and her was so close, and now i feel like she don't feel like she can confide in me. And just an update on her scholarship, I talked to her scholarship coordinator 1 on 1, and she said that she would give her one more shot. My cousin don't know yet, but when she finds out, i hope she will get herself back on track. So anyways, do you think i deserved to be told by her?

I have finally figured out why i have been so frusterated with her. It is the fact that she didn't tell me about it herself. Her mom told my mom which told me. And I now feel that i will finally be at peace with this situation if she would just tell me about it herself. Because me and her was so close, and now i feel like she don't feel like she can confide in me. And just an update on her scholarship, I talked to her scholarship coordinator 1 on 1, and she said that she would give her one more shot. My cousin don't know yet, but when she finds out, i hope she will get herself back on track. So anyways, do you think i deserved to be told by her?

It would have been nice for you if she'd have come to you and 'confessed.' But please try to understand she probably KNEW you'd be disappointed in her and preferred to tell her mom... who 'has' to love her no matter what. I'm sure she'll be grateful for your help with her scholarship. Just try not to judge her too harshly and chances are, she'll come to you next time she screws up (and get ready... there WILL be a next time. She's a kid. That's how they learn.)

Wish I'd have had a cousin like you when I was 15. Coulda used someone watching over me who was closer to my age than my parents. She's a lucky girl to have you... please tell her that for me.

;)
SMW

Thanks for the help.

Here is an update on the situation. She was suspended for 3 days, and on probation for 2 of the other days. And she wasn't charged with anything, but if she does something else, she will be expelled. The situation is really hush hush in the school board, so it hasn't been released to the papers. And i finally confronted her, wanting to know the whole story, and wanting to know why she had never told me in the first place....and if there was more to the story. And she sent me several txts, telling me that it was her dicision who to tell, and I wasn't one of them....and there was indeed more to the story, but i wouldn't be hearing it from her. So there you go folks. That proves how close we were. For all the times i had confided in her, and she won't with me. Haha, i don't know why im so worked up. Maybe this is a wake up call, and its telling me to start confiding in different people.

What do you all think?

What do you all think?
the only way 2 ppl can keep a secret is if one of them is dead.

i wouldn't have told you either, but then i wouldn't have gotten caught.

And now i find out that she is made at me for trying to help her get her life back in order.

not to be rude,but stop trying to help her. She doesn't want it for some reason,so let her deal on her own for awhile.

not to be rude,but stop trying to help her. She doesn't want it for some reason,so let her deal on her own for awhile.
Exactly. When I was out fucking up my life, people lecturing me about it just made me want to tell them to go to hell. Only after everyone else had given up and left me alone did I clean up my act.

Skinnybones, she is your cousin, not your daughter. Were I her I would not have confided in you either. It is not an insult directed toward you. Some thngs people want to keep as private as possible.

Remember, this is about her, not about you.

Well she don't have a problem telling every other yahoo in the town.

then leave her alone,like I said before,theres a reason she doesn't want to talk to you about this,maybe because you guys are so close? Who knows,stop obsessing about it:thumbs:

all work and no play makes everyone and anyone a total bore.

under age, great future, whatever. people do shit, shit happens, and life goes on.

under age, great future, whatever. people do shit, shit happens, and life goes on.
Seriously. If I've learned anything, it's that it's very hard to actually ruin one's life completely, no matter what all those sanctimonious parental types say. :thumbs: