smartmouthwoman
08-23-2007, 02:40 PM
Thinking
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another,
and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone --
"to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became
more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That
was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and
asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her
mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix,
but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could
read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office
dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" One
day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to
say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop
thinking on the job, you'll have to find other work."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation
with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking . . . . "I know
you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely
it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You
think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any
money; so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" "That's a
faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and
frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed
for th e library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking
lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't
open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster
caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You
probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous
poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we
avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed
easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to
recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step . . . . . I joined the Republican Party.
;)
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another,
and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone --
"to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became
more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That
was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and
asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her
mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix,
but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could
read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office
dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" One
day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to
say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop
thinking on the job, you'll have to find other work."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation
with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking . . . . "I know
you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely
it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You
think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any
money; so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" "That's a
faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and
frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed
for th e library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking
lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't
open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster
caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You
probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous
poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we
avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed
easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to
recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step . . . . . I joined the Republican Party.
;)