Wow, I feel like shit.

A few months ago, a girl I knew and lusted after, went to summer camp. When we met, immediate sparks were flying. We locked eyes for several seconds when we first met, and I kept teasing her and having fun with the whole thing. Me, a friend of mine and her went out to the movies together, and for a little while it looked like we would have a nice little group going. Well, my friend started getting really busy with work, and then took off of work, which would have been a great thing, but now he's out of town all the time. The girl herself and I hanged out once, but she was getting ready for doing a gig as a camp counselor at summer camp, and I got left out in the cold. No big deal, right, we'll just pick back up where we left off when she gets back, but nope. I found out today she found a boyfriend. Fucking hell. Now we can't go back to being good friends anymore, and it's going to be really weird when we finally meet again. I'm going to be supportive of course, and tease her a little bit like I used to, but I have to find a new group or three to roll with, and not waste time on her, or try foolishly to get between her and her boyfriend.

I just wish knowing what I have to do made it easier on me. How could I let myself get that hung up on a girl I barely knew? She's young, just a year into college. I know she's not looking for anything serious, and really, I'm not either. But I spent so much of my life avoiding social contact and latching on to one person at a time to be a friend to, that old habits die hard. I knew this was a possibility, and that, in all likelihood, she probably wasn't going to end up as my girlfriend, but it still hurts. I guess I have to really start spreading my wings if I ever want real happiness. I suppose I'm not a total lost cause. But it's hard to shake that feeling sometimes.

Feelings work in mysterious ways. There's someone for everyone, it's just a matter of when/if you two finally meet.

It sounds like it wasn't meant to be, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it could be a blessing in disguise.

Do you think everything happens for a reason? What do you think the reason could be?

I agree with the post above, there is some one for everyone and you will meet them when the time is right.

Nappy, I feel for you bud.
there's nothing anyone can say or do thats going to change the way you feel. It's screwed up, but thats the way it is. In time, the hurt you feel now will subside, but it will never go away. Remember the pain you feel now, and how good you felt when you were with her. This is the checks and balances system that happens when you get all stupid over a girl.

Go find yourself another girl that will make you feel that way again. If you get hurt again, then thats the price you have to pay for feeling that way. If you're lucky, she'll reciprocate and give you that good feeling for a long time to come

Nappy, I feel for you bud.
there's nothing anyone can say or do thats going to change the way you feel. It's screwed up, but thats the way it is. In time, the hurt you feel now will subside, but it will never go away. Remember the pain you feel now, and how good you felt when you were with her. This is the checks and balances system that happens when you get all stupid over a girl.

Go find yourself another girl that will make you feel that way again. If you get hurt again, then thats the price you have to pay for feeling that way. If you're lucky, she'll reciprocate and give you that good feeling for a long time to come

Listen to Ride, Nappy.....he's a very wise man in this area. I've recently discovered that about him. ;)

There is no way to control who we get hung up on. Why didn't you just ask her out when you knew sparks were flying?

I sympathize with you too man, there is no feeling quite like liking someone and the feelings are not returned or worse they belong to someone else. I learned a long time ago that when I see someone I find attractive, I make sure they know it from the get go. It kind of avoids getting too attached to someone if they are not ever going to feel the same way.

Either way, it hurts now, but trust me, you're a good looking guy with a great mind and a sense of humor, judging from your posts. This is far from the last girl you are going to meet and you will meet one that will feel the sparks at the same time and then all the "feeling like shit" days will be far behind and better left there.

Do you think everything happens for a reason?
No. I'd like to think everything happens for a reason, but there's too much needless suffering in the world for me to even come close. I do think most things that we Americans run in to can be learned from. If anything, in this case, it is as Genzo said, not to wait too long on a girl. The reason I didn't move quickly is because, 1) I didn't want to seem needy and demanding, and 2) We only really had two times together where we were away from her job, the coffee shop I a regular at. Had we made it to the third, I'm sure I would have made a move.

This girl is one of those girls that everybody loves. All her guy friends have crushes on her. She usually ends up dating one of them. I wish I could have taken her out of that world and shown her something really special, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen, unless this one too turns out like the other's I've seen her go through, i.e. short. Which could very well happen, I think she may well have some issues with guys that keep most of her relationships short. Falling real hard for them, then becoming disillusioned quickly when she realizes that they're not the idealized princes she makes them out to be.

I wrote her a little note basically telling her I'm happy she found someone, I wish she'd have waited a little while and given me a shot, and that we can't really pick up where we left off before, so it's going to have to change between us. I want to know how she manages to be so damn popular with people. I left a PS saying I really never understood how much I cared about her til I found out, that I'm still figuring the whole love thing out, and if it turns out badly, that I'd like to be at the top of her list, with my cell number. I plan on giving it to her the next time I see her.

At first I didn't want to play the game of being one of the dozens of guy friends she has that are interested in her, but the more I think about it, the more playing along would up my chances instead of trying to play head games. She'd make a great friend, but it's going to have to be at least arm's length until I find someone else.

People come and go. I've lost many a girlfriend before I found the one I'm marrying next year. You'll do fine, someone else will come along that will take your heart away the same way that this girl seemed to have done...before she ran off with it.

In time, you will feel the way you did about this girl again.

You just gotta believe in fate. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Don't challenge it nor regret it ;) it might make you a braver person

The old cliche -- you snooze, you lose. Not always applicable in the pursuit of love. The struggle with one's own insecurities will determine your outcome in all facets of your world.
I noticed you said she was popular and attracts people. I was (still am, but older --so not nearly as frequent) the same way. Not being pompous of factitious, just factual. I can tell you this....of all the males that were ever in my life that came on to me and asked to date me, professed their love, and proclaimed their devotion -- it was the one's that didn't do that, that I found attractive and or alluring. Just something to keep in mind. Some (such as me), find the constant barrage of slick invitations and such to be repulsive.
I also feel that love can be welcomed and desired, but you can't really hunt for it. If the girl has interest in you in a sense other than platonic, she will let you know.
Your post said you wrote her a note, it is unclear to me whether you included the wish she had waited for you part in what you wrote. Did you? Has she responded?
I don't know if all this babbling will help you or not, but I felt I would share this information from the female perspective. Good luck!

I haven't given it to her yet, Trapped, and I don't plan to anymore. But yes, the note said I wished I had waited for her.

I'm over it. I see no reason to give her a note anymore. The only reason I would give it to her is because I couldn't say it face to face, not because I'm not man enough, but because I usually see her when she's working, and trying to get two minutes of undivided attention when she's doing that is an exercise in frustration. Besides, there's no reason not to flirt with her and tease her like I used to. To do so would be to indicate something's changed between us, and I like where it was at before. But yes, the note did say that.

Besides, the latest I heard is that she's already having problems with the dude. You popular women can't seem to hold a man for the life of you!

The popular women never give the good, decent men a chance.

I've got a theory on this. The guys we call "good and decent" usually just aren't very much fun to hang around. Being that a popular woman never has want for choices, she's free to pick whoever she wants, and that's a dude that's fun to be around. Good and decent guys usually clam up pretty hard around attractive women, and they are never able to express all that to her, only pathetic love declarations. It's called being whipped, and women who attract lots of attention from guys hate it as much as guys do.

I haven't given it to her yet, Trapped, and I don't plan to anymore. But yes, the note said I wished I had waited for her.

I'm over it. I see no reason to give her a note anymore. The only reason I would give it to her is because I couldn't say it face to face, not because I'm not man enough, but because I usually see her when she's working, and trying to get two minutes of undivided attention when she's doing that is an exercise in frustration. Besides, there's no reason not to flirt with her and tease her like I used to. To do so would be to indicate something's changed between us, and I like where it was at before. But yes, the note did say that.

Besides, the latest I heard is that she's already having problems with the dude. You popular women can't seem to hold a man for the life of you!


LOL!! On your last sentence. Tis true, thru and thru. I think maybe cause it's thought that because people magnate to us that we have more to offer, better personality or something -- not sure. But, I have an example. I do fantastic in a big group or a small social setting with just a handful of people. Not so good one on one. Maybe that's it. :::shrugging, and wishing I knew:::
I know another man that is very similar to you, even looks like you. He's in his mid 30's and let his dream girl float on by. This was a few years ago. He still pines for this woman. And every relationship he has, goes bust because of it. He never actually had this girl, but it's affected his life in so many ways.

I do good in small groups, terribly in larger groups, when it comes to one-on-one, it depends on whether or not I've decided I really like the person or not.

I bet your guy friend never got to see his dream girl's shitty side. All girls have them, and if you can find and really understand it, your own infatuation lessens a good deal, even if it doesn't go away completely. If you want to help your friend move on, you should tell him about that.

I do good in small groups, terribly in larger groups, when it comes to one-on-one, it depends on whether or not I've decided I really like the person or not.

I bet your guy friend never got to see his dream girl's shitty side. All girls have them, and if you can find and really understand it, your own infatuation lessens a good deal, even if it doesn't go away completely. If you want to help your friend move on, you should tell him about that.


Fantastic advice my handsome fellow poster.

The popular women never give the good, decent men a chance.

I have. But they have blown it big time. I'm not without my imperfections, I just like a man to be themselfs and not clam up.
I have given them a chance, but they blow it and there ain't nothin' I can do after that.

Sorry to hear it Nap.

Personally, I do better one on one.

I'm an attractive, popular girl who has given more than one decent, not so popular, guy a chance.

Here's me & my boyfriend together:
http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/1381/l7f96d5699ef9a96ae5da24cr8.jpg

I have. But they have blown it big time. I'm not without my imperfections, I just like a man to be themselfs and not clam up.
I have given them a chance, but they blow it and there ain't nothin' I can do after that.
Yup. It's pretty standard. Just because a guy might deserve a shot, doesn't mean he is capable of holding on to her.

Popular girls have men falling in love with them day in and day out. Very few of them are capable of making her fall in love for a change.

Originally Posted by Imp
I have. But they have blown it big time. I'm not without my imperfections, I just like a man to be themselfs and not clam up.
I have given them a chance, but they blow it and there ain't nothin' I can do after that.
There are the athletes who are usually good-looking, stars of the high school...but are total assholes to girls because they feel they are above them (and for some reason, girls like this....I'm not going to figure out why).

There are guys who are nice, decent; but as was mentioned, clam up at the site of a girl and try too hard to impress or gloat. In other words, the social outcasts who would rather spend a day figuring out which spell to cast on the flying dragon of some mystical, fucked up land, so that he can gain life points to use against the....ok, i'm not going any further. Point being, most girls are turned off by this and refulse to even fancy a glance at the male specimen...while the male goes back to his World of Warcraft/Halo jackfest.

Then there's those who are right in the middle; may not be the hottest flame in the fire, have a good amount of friends, know how to be honest, sincere, and have fun being themselves and know how to treat a lady. Yet seem to be just as overlooked as the previous group of people mentioned here. Mostly it's because of either shyness or the fear of being rejected, or both. But hey, you only get one chance.

How do you stack up?

Yet seem to be just as overlooked as the previous group of people mentioned here.
Overlooked? You have to make a woman look your way. What, do you expect the women to approach you? Women don't overlook men. They wait for you to show some balls.

LOL, Silver, my boyfriend plays World of Warcraft and D&D...

Nappy, I'm always the approacher; I don't wait around for the guy to make the first move. Girls who do that are stupid.

Originally Posted by Napsterbater
Overlooked? You have to make a woman look your way. What, do you expect the women to approach you? Women don't overlook men. They wait for you to show some balls.
I'm talking about when said male were to make an approach, that they are usually turned down or ignored. Either they come on too strong or the female just doesn't want to be seen around that person. But that's more of a high-schoolish attitude to it. You learn the trade as you get older.

Originally Posted by DarkFantasy96
LOL, Silver, my boyfriend plays World of Warcraft and D&D...
Sorry for the analogy...just that every person that I know that plays the games have no girlfriends. I lived with a guy who locked himself in his room for three days and played it nonstop. That kind of obsessiveness just worries me.

Nappy, I'm always the approacher; I don't wait around for the guy to make the first move.
Yeah. You're also a freak. ;)

Don't know. I've been approached, I've approached. I really like it when the guy humorously worms his way into the conversation and then it goes from there. There's no outright pressure of buying/accepting a drink (you know, staking your claim). There's immediate pressure to state your intentions then and I think it can be intimidating. So, anyway, I like the go with the flow approach - see if you can laugh together and then exchange numbers

Sorry for the analogy...just that every person that I know that plays the games have no girlfriends. I lived with a guy who locked himself in his room for three days and played it nonstop. That kind of obsessiveness just worries me.


Ahhh .... we all make comparisons, not every "girl that waits is stupid" either.