As most of you here probably don't know, I'm a big believer in being the best you can be, eliminating false thinking, false logic, limiting beliefs, and clear-headedness. There's some times, however, where logic and learning the right way to think just won't help. At these times, you need something else to beat the growth into your head. Here is one of the techniques I've come across in doing just that. I call it retraining your negativity.

Negativity is a learned subconscious trait. At some point in your life, someone or something gave you the idea that you aren't great as a person. Once accepted, this idea can do very damaging things to your state of mind, and can fester into a truly horrid state of affairs in which you can't see your way out of your problems. But you can fix all that, with much less work than would appear, simply by refusing to think negatively. "How can I do that?" I hear you asking. Simple. Replace every instance of a negative thought with a positive thought. Once you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, immediately refuse to think them, and instead think your positive, uplifting thought that you chose to replace it. It's helpful to make a list. I'm going to post my list here, (very personal!) and hope to inspire you folk to do the same. Even if you don't post yours, at least do the exercise. Seeing a list of all the bad shit you think about yourself is a quite sobering experience and should inspire anyone to do something about it.

So, without further ado, the list! Limiting belief first, positive belief listed under.

She'll never want to be my girlfriend.
She can't wait to see my next move.

I'm a screw-up, I continuously need to justify my current position in life.
I've got more wisdom in my belly button than most people could ever dream of.

I'm a social outsider.
Everybody that sees me wants to get to know me.

I think weird thoughts.
I can control my mental states. (true! ask me about it later!)

I've never had a serious girlfriend.
I don't need a girlfriend, I can enjoy being single. Being with someone isn't everything.

I'll never have a full life.
All I have to do is reach out and grab life.


Social people intimidate me.
I can be that social person.

I'll never be able to let my inner self out.
I can do it easily, I just have to keep practicing.

I can't stick with anything long enough to get something out of it.
I know an amazing amount of stuff about a whole lot of things.

I'm not disciplined.
All I need is to think my way around tasks I can't remember all the time.

I always feel like I'm walking on thin ice with people.
I can make them feel really good if I just try.

She'll never want to be my girlfriend.
She can't wait to see my next move.

I'm a screw-up, I continuously need to justify my current position in life.
I've got more wisdom in my belly button than most people could ever dream of.

I'm a social outsider.
Everybody that sees me wants to get to know me.
_______________

I find the solution to the ones above to be too extreme and therefore would think they could be self defeating.

I think the rest are reasonable alternative positive thoughts that would be helpful to anyone.

I always feel like I'm walking on thin ice with people.
I can make them feel really good if I just try.

I think this one needs to be rethought. You should never TRY too hard when it comes to people. Better to just be yourself, then the people who are around you will be the people who like you for who you are and you wont have to keep trying around them.

She'll never want to be my girlfriend.
She can't wait to see my next move.

I'm a screw-up, I continuously need to justify my current position in life.
I've got more wisdom in my belly button than most people could ever dream of.

I'm a social outsider.
Everybody that sees me wants to get to know me.
_______________

I find the solution to the ones above to be too extreme and therefore would think they could be self defeating.

I think the rest are reasonable alternative positive thoughts that would be helpful to anyone.
Actually, those three are the ones I use the most, and help me out the best. You'd just have to know how my mind works, I guess, and how my life operates. That's why I said they were personal. But I didn't put them there for your critique. I put them there to inspire others to do the same! Or at least to do the exercise.

I think this one needs to be rethought. You should never TRY too hard when it comes to people. Better to just be yourself, then the people who are around you will be the people who like you for who you are and you wont have to keep trying around them.
It's a response thought. I think it in response to the one above. It's not something I think constantly.

I don't include the thought that I have to, in other words. Just that I can if I want to.

Oh ok--That makes me feel better about the phrase then.

Thanks for clearing it up.

Actually, those three are the ones I use the most, and help me out the best. You'd just have to know how my mind works, I guess, and how my life operates. That's why I said they were personal. But I didn't put them there for your critique. I put them there to inspire others to do the same! Or at least to do the exercise.

Okay well if it works for you Nappy that is great. I find those sayings to be over the top and arrogant. I personally prefer "reality". Also, just me, but I do not feel comfortable with nor attracted to arrogance. Perhaps the women you wish to attract are.

I think if you had a more realistic approach instead of being so hard on yourself you would not need to over inflate. Which is exactly what those statements do. They overinflate.

And they do not help you out "the best", they aren't working or you wouldn't need to keep telling yourself bullshit stuff.

But hey, you are always the expert so just carry on. And maybe some of us "don't need the exercise" which seems to be the case since you don't have people lined on here which is why I responded in the first place.

Sal, they're not supposed to be reality. They're little tricks designed to immediately flash the mind out of a dull dreary state. They're for when realism doesn't work. Realistic thinking doesn't work all the time. You are acting like I am never realistic. Sometimes, realism makes it worse. And I couldn't care less whether people respond or not. I was sharing something I found to be very helpful. I didn't really think anyone would anyway. It is a very personal thing to do. We don't like others seeing our dirty little secrets.

Here's a question. Why do you think they're so over the top and arrogant?

Some of them are pretty good and deal with self assurance but others of them verge on simply being egotistical.

Frogger would know.

It should be said that this is different from affirmations. Affirmations are phrases about oneself that are repeated over and over until they imprint the subconscious. For those, it is helpful to include phrases like, "I am beautiful," or "I love myself." In these, one would want to avoid such "egotistical" phrases because it could lead you into an overconfident state of mind. It should also be said that the most successful people are often the ones most capable of deluding themselves, and that deluding capability could play a strong role in the individual's success.

It should be said that this is different from affirmations. Affirmations are phrases about oneself that are repeated over and over until they imprint the subconscious. For those, it is helpful to include phrases like, "I am beautiful," or "I love myself." In these, one would want to avoid such "egotistical" phrases because it could lead you into an overconfident state of mind.. Exactly. You should have stated that at the beginning and my post would have been entirely different.

It should also be said that the most successful people are often the ones most capable of deluding themselves, and that deluding capability could play a strong role in the individual's success.
Then you need to define "deluding oneself please.

And it should also be stated that success is relative depending upon whether you speak of peace of mind, balance of spirit, or material acquisition etc..

Sal, they're not supposed to be reality. They're little tricks designed to immediately flash the mind out of a dull dreary state. They're for when realism doesn't work. Realistic thinking doesn't work all the time. You are acting like I am never realistic. Sometimes, realism makes it worse. Here's a question.

You're right, realistic thinking does not work all the time. And sometimes if the mind is working in a negative enough way it needs a jolt to punch it up. Absolutely.

And I couldn't care less whether people respond or not. I was sharing something I found to be very helpful.
I didn't really think anyone would anyway. It is a very personal thing to do. We don't like others seeing our dirty little secrets.
Actually I think that by revealing our dirty little secrets we actually free ourselves. Once they are on the table the fear that others will discover said secret and then reject us is gone. I think what you are doing is actually empowering.

Why do you think they're so over the top and arrogant?

Because for me, they are not realistic and thus my mind would fight them. It would be too energy draining rather than acting as a positive reinforcer.

For instance, if my mind says: "He'll never want to be my boyfriend." And then if I tell myself, "He can't wait to see my next move." my inner self would immediately laugh. It would find the humour because I would know that to tell myself he can't wait to see my next move, was ridiculous in the extreme. If I were that nervous around him, I would rather find something about him more soft and vulnerable that would tell me he was safe for me to test the waters with. I would need to see him as human first.

I'm a screw-up, I continuously need to justify my current position in life. I've got more wisdom in my belly button than most people could ever dream of. Telling myself I am better than most people is not helpful. I do not think oneupmanship is helpful, ever. It is not about them, it is about me.

When I think I am a screw-up and continuously need to justify my current position in life it means I am fucking up. It means I know it. Quite simply it means I am not doing what I need to do. I am being lazy or perhaps taking a mind vacation. Therefore I need to alter my behaviour not what I am telling myself. I need to get off my ass and work.

I'm a social outsider.
Everybody that sees me wants to get to know me. I am frequently a social outsider because I choose to be. Everybody that sees me does not want to get to know me and that is a good thing as I likely don't want to get to know them. I choose who I want to know.

I need reality based thoughts and reinforcement or I would spin out. Inflating my ego makes me feel diminished.

Exactly. You should have stated that at the beginning and my post would have been entirely different.
I suppose so. But even a cursory glance could tell a person versed well enough in such things that this is a different technique. I didn't think it needed mentioning.

Then you need to define "deluding oneself please.
Believing something about yourself that logic, as well as other people, should tell you isn't true.

The world is filled with overachievers who have gotten to all sorts of high places that haven't a lick of self-knowledge. This is because social success is dependent not on that particular quality, but of qualities like perseverance, dedication, and discipline. In fact, self-knowledge can get in the way.

And it should also be stated that success is relative depending upon whether you speak of peace of mind, balance of spirit, or material acquisition etc..
Certainly. I was speaking of success as the rest of the world pursues it. The big house, bank account, important work, all those trappings we look highly upon.

Actually I think that by revealing our dirty little secrets we actually free ourselves. Once they are on the table the fear that others will discover said secret and then reject us is gone. I think what you are doing is actually empowering.
That's why I did it, and encouraged others to.

For instance, if my mind says: "He'll never want to be my boyfriend." And then if I tell myself, "He can't wait to see my next move." my inner self would immediately laugh. It would find the humour because I would know that to tell myself he can't wait to see my next move, was ridiculous in the extreme. If I were that nervous around him, I would rather find something about him more soft and vulnerable that would tell me he was safe for me to test the waters with. I would need to see him as human first.
This isn't arrogance you see, it's incongruence.

I do not think oneupmanship is helpful, ever. It is not about them, it is about me.
You're not a man. Men are constantly held up to each other's standards. I don't think you quite understand how difficult it is just to be a man. Such brashness and confidence are good, valuable traits to have, because they set you apart from others. Men who know their worth and are unafraid of stating it to others gain an undeniable advantage. Men who are unsure of themselves and shy are looked at askance by both other men and women. The world is not a nice place, and people's weaknesses are not coddled in business or in love.

I am frequently a social outsider because I choose to be. Everybody that sees me does not want to get to know me and that is a good thing as I likely don't want to get to know them. I choose who I want to know.
I have tried telling myself this, but it just isn't the truth. I do want to get to know people, I for some reason simply am unable to much of the time. As a man, if there is someone I want to know, it's up to me to make the connection. I cannot expect the other to do it for me. Sometimes I miss out because I am afraid that they would not want to get to know me. But it is untruth, because everybody I take the time to get to know seems to value the experience as much as I do, and further, they look highly upon me as being capable of doing such a thing. Again, what you are finding is incongruence, not over-the top arrogance.

I need reality based thoughts and reinforcement or I would spin out. Inflating my ego makes me feel diminished.
I would wager you need thoughtful congruence with your mind and situation. Ego has little to do with it. I do not look at it as an ego thing, more of a stroking-my-inner-child thing. Thinking these things makes me happy and more socially capable, that is what I think you should aim for.

I suppose so. But even a cursory glance could tell a person versed well enough in such things that this is a different technique. I didn't think it needed mentioning. I seldom presume people know anything any more. It doesn't pay to project.




This isn't arrogance you see, it's incongruence. Yeah it's a state of being over inflated.


You're not a man. Men are constantly held up to each other's standards. I don't think you quite understand how difficult it is just to be a man. Such brashness and confidence are good, valuable traits to have, because they set you apart from others. Men who know their worth and are unafraid of stating it to others gain an undeniable advantage. Men who are unsure of themselves and shy are looked at askance by both other men and women. The world is not a nice place, and people's weaknesses are not coddled in business or in love You make it seem as though there are two types of men, braggarts and wimps. What about the balance. In between those two are men who are self confident, highly successful and feel no need to strut or flaunt it, nor disappear into the background. In the first category I would place Donald Trump. He is arrogant and brags continually. I do not believe other men or women look up to him nor do they necessarily believe that he is as grandiose as he presents.

The people in his circle do of course tolerate him as it pays them to do so. And perhaps it is only a public facade. Perhaps he is really a warm, charming individual who just sparkles and radiates charisma although I have my doubts.
I have tried telling myself this, but it just isn't the truth. I do want to get to know people, I for some reason simply am unable to much of the time. As a man, if there is someone I want to know, it's up to me to make the connection. I cannot expect the other to do it for me. Sometimes I miss out because I am afraid that they would not want to get to know me. But it is untruth, because everybody I take the time to get to know seems to value the experience as much as I do, and further, they look highly upon me as being capable of doing such a thing. Again, what you are finding is incongruence, not over-the top arrogance.


I would wager you need thoughtful congruence with your mind and situation. Ego has little to do with it. I do not look at it as an ego thing, more of a stroking-my-inner-child thing. Thinking these things makes me happy and more socially capable, that is what I think you should aim for.
Okay but I am merely questioning if it actually does make you more socially capable and happy. I am not challenging you personally. I am telling you that while you are saying it has little to do with ego I am telling you that may not be the perception of someone observing you whom you wish to meet.

On one hand you are saying you want to meet people, know that you have much to give yet you are having trouble connecting. In the next breath you are saying you are socially capable and happy and in fact are quite good at it.

If it is all about perception perhaps they are not able to see who you really are because what you are projecting is not who you really are. Or perhaps they are afraid to be who they really are.

I seldom presume people know anything any more. It doesn't pay to project.
Yet you did, when you decided I was talking about affirmations. :confused:

Yeah it's a state of being over inflated.
I'm talking about subjects here. Your talking about your inner beliefs and thoughts as if they should be mine. What you saw was an incongruence, because if you had thought these things, they wouldn't have sat well with what you really see yourself as. You said nothing to indicate that they were actually arrogant, just incongruent.

You make it seem as though there are two types of men, braggarts and wimps. What about the balance. In between those two are men who are self confident, highly successful and feel no need to strut or flaunt it, nor disappear into the background. In the first category I would place Donald Trump. He is arrogant and brags continually. I do not believe other men or women look up to him nor do they necessarily believe that he is as grandiose as he presents.
Presumably, inner work and personal growth makes the difference between a braggart and a balanced man. Just the fact that a person is doing inner work means he's doing something to rectify his imbalances. The grandiose arrogant braggart has different problems to solve, and would have a different set of answers to a different set of limiting thoughts.

The people in his circle do of course tolerate him as it pays them to do so. And perhaps it is only a public facade. Perhaps he is really a warm, charming individual who just sparkles and radiates charisma although I have my doubts.
Perhaps. But it's his life. He runs the show. He chose his life. Self help is about helping yourself be who you want to be, not making yourself more palatable to others.

Okay but I am merely questioning if it actually does make you more socially capable and happy. I am not challenging you personally. I am telling you that while you are saying it has little to do with ego I am telling you that may not be the perception of someone observing you whom you wish to meet.
How would they know? I don't hand everyone I meet a piece of paper detailing my inner thoughts every time I greet someone! They would see the fruits of my work, which are increased confidence and a greater willingness to engage people.

On one hand you are saying you want to meet people, know that you have much to give yet you are having trouble connecting. In the next breath you are saying you are socially capable and happy and in fact are quite good at it.
I am socially capable and happy, after I do the exercise. Before, I'm in a funk and not capable or happy at all. That's the whole point of it all!

If it is all about perception perhaps they are not able to see who you really are because what you are projecting is not who you really are. Or perhaps they are afraid to be who they really are.
I'm not talking about inter-personal perceptions here. I'm talking about intra-personal perceptions. How you see yourself as opposed to how I see myself. The other people don't come into play at this point.

Yet you did, when you decided I was talking about affirmations. :confused: No honestly, I just took it superficially.


I'm talking about subjects here. Your talking about your inner beliefs and thoughts as if they should be mine. What you saw was an incongruence, because if you had thought these things, they wouldn't have sat well with what you really see yourself as. You said nothing to indicate that they were actually arrogant, just incongruent.No I don't think that my interpretation should be yours, BUT neither should you expect others to see it just as you do.

Presumably, inner work and personal growth makes the difference between a braggart and a balanced man. Just the fact that a person is doing inner work means he's doing something to rectify his imbalances. The grandiose arrogant braggart has different problems to solve, and would have a different set of answers to a different set of limiting thoughts.Agreed

Perhaps. But it's his life. He runs the show. He chose his life. Self help is about helping yourself be who you want to be, not making yourself more palatable to others.Perhaps but true growth usually does make people more palatable to others because they become more sure of themselves and confident and thus less abrasive.

How would they know? I don't hand everyone I meet a piece of paper detailing my inner thoughts every time I greet someone! They would see the fruits of my work, which are increased confidence and a greater willingness to engage people. Well here's where we really differ. We give off energy. Some people emanate positive, warm and accepting. Others radiate, abrasive, intolerant controlling etc. I believe our thoughts though unknown to others do have an affect upon others even though they may not know why.

I am socially capable and happy, after I do the exercise. Before, I'm in a funk and not capable or happy at all. That's the whole point of it all! Then it is a good skill that you have found that works for you.

I'm not talking about inter-personal perceptions here. I'm talking about intra-personal perceptions. How you see yourself as opposed to how I see myself. The other people don't come into play at this point Maybe, maybe not. I think that who and what we are and how we perceive ourselves and what others see is all connected.

No I don't think that my interpretation should be yours, BUT neither should you expect others to see it just as you do.
Again, this is a personal exercise. No one typically sees it but the person doing them.

Perhaps but true growth usually does make people more palatable to others because they become more sure of themselves and confident and thus less abrasive.

Well here's where we really differ. We give off energy. Some people emanate positive, warm and accepting. Others radiate, abrasive, intolerant controlling etc. I believe our thoughts though unknown to others do have an affect upon others even though they may not know why.

Maybe, maybe not. I think that who and what we are and how we perceive ourselves and what others see is all connected.
We're getting rather far afield here. How do you define, "true growth?" I spent a long time trying to figure it out, to no avail. You would have to posit an ultimate existence which chooses what true growth is and what it isn't. I don't care for such metaphysics. I choose to deal with strictly cognitive aspects of growth. Applying mental tricks to make your life better. What "better" is is totally up to you. You can choose to mix such spiritualism in with your growth, I do not. I think such things should be left out of advice columns and whatnot. Let each person decide such things for themselves.

I do not hold to the idea of ultimate reality, which is what any idea of true growth must come from. I think the idea of growth in the popular discourse is tied up too much with given reality. People bandy about phrases like "everything is connected" and "spiritual growth" without knowing adequately what they mean. If anything can give us an ultimate reality, it's the scientific process. That is a reality we can agree on, because it can be reproduced and replicated from person to person. Metaphysical concepts are personal and vague. So much of the meaning is tied up in semantics that it's impossible to separate concepts and test outcomes.

Again, this is a personal exercise. No one typically sees it but the person doing them.


We're getting rather far afield here. How do you define, "true growth?" I spent a long time trying to figure it out, to no avail. You would have to posit an ultimate existence which chooses what true growth is and what it isn't. I don't care for such metaphysics. I choose to deal with strictly cognitive aspects of growth. Applying mental tricks to make your life better. What "better" is is totally up to you. You can choose to mix such spiritualism in with your growth, I do not. I think such things should be left out of advice columns and whatnot. Let each person decide such things for themselves.

I do not hold to the idea of ultimate reality, which is what any idea of true growth must come from. I think the idea of growth in the popular discourse is tied up too much with given reality. People bandy about phrases like "everything is connected" and "spiritual growth" without knowing adequately what they mean. If anything can give us an ultimate reality, it's the scientific process. That is a reality we can agree on, because it can be reproduced and replicated from person to person. Metaphysical concepts are personal and vague. So much of the meaning is tied up in semantics that it's impossible to separate concepts and test outcomes.

Nice summation. And thanks for the chat, you always point me in a direction I might not otherwise go and I like that, even when we disagree.

Okay someone else have a go.

I think you're the only one who cares, dear.

It's a shame that you think all those things about yourself, but pretending they are not so by some Jank Handy type affirmation is a road to nowhere. Effort defeats - much better to just accept what is and see what happens from there. You can't fake out the illusion - you have to accept it.

Here i'll start the ball rolling for you.

She'll never want to be my girlfriend.
You are right - she won't

I'm a screw-up, I continuously need to justify my current position in life.
True

I'm a social outsider.
True again

I think weird thoughts.
Yes you do

I've never had a serious girlfriend.
True yet again

I'll never have a full life.
Perhaps you won't


Social people intimidate me.
Sucks for you, but true

I'll never be able to let my inner self out.
You don't have an inner self

I can't stick with anything long enough to get something out of it.
Time to move on

I'm not disciplined.
Agreed

I always feel like I'm walking on thin ice with people.
Thats what happens when you hate yourself

Lol! :D

As most of you here probably don't know, I'm a big believer in being the best you can be, eliminating false thinking, false logic, limiting beliefs, and clear-headedness. There's some times, however, where logic and learning the right way to think just won't help. At these times, you need something else to beat the growth into your head. Here is one of the techniques I've come across in doing just that. I call it retraining your negativity.

Negativity is a learned subconscious trait. At some point in your life, someone or something gave you the idea that you aren't great as a person. Once accepted, this idea can do very damaging things to your state of mind, and can fester into a truly horrid state of affairs in which you can't see your way out of your problems. But you can fix all that, with much less work than would appear, simply by refusing to think negatively. "How can I do that?" I hear you asking. Simple. Replace every instance of a negative thought with a positive thought. Once you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, immediately refuse to think them, and instead think your positive, uplifting thought that you chose to replace it. It's helpful to make a list. I'm going to post my list here, (very personal!) and hope to inspire you folk to do the same. Even if you don't post yours, at least do the exercise. Seeing a list of all the bad shit you think about yourself is a quite sobering experience and should inspire anyone to do something about it.

So, without further ado, the list! Limiting belief first, positive belief listed under.

She'll never want to be my girlfriend.
She can't wait to see my next move.

I'm a screw-up, I continuously need to justify my current position in life.
I've got more wisdom in my belly button than most people could ever dream of.

I'm a social outsider.
Everybody that sees me wants to get to know me.

I think weird thoughts.
I can control my mental states. (true! ask me about it later!)

I've never had a serious girlfriend.
I don't need a girlfriend, I can enjoy being single. Being with someone isn't everything.

I'll never have a full life.
All I have to do is reach out and grab life.


Social people intimidate me.
I can be that social person.

I'll never be able to let my inner self out.
I can do it easily, I just have to keep practicing.

I can't stick with anything long enough to get something out of it.
I know an amazing amount of stuff about a whole lot of things.

I'm not disciplined.
All I need is to think my way around tasks I can't remember all the time.

I always feel like I'm walking on thin ice with people.
I can make them feel really good if I just try.


I think this is a fantastic outlook! Good job and good luck.




Question....is that you on the avatar? You are a handsome fellow.

Yup, that's me! That's so you can recognize me on the cover of Rolling Stone in a few years.

Yup, that's me! That's so you can recognize me on the cover of Rolling Stone in a few years.


Well you are quite the hottie. Meow.

Well, I'd return the compliment but...

Well, I'd return the compliment but...


LOL! But you haven't seen me. Courteous young man you are, another fine attribute you possess. You'd likely find something to compliment on. But just plain Jane here, and I was in high school when you were born. Keep up the positive attitude and the delightful posts please. :flowers:

Will do. I will say this though. Fruit is better when ripe.