es347fan
08-21-2007, 09:48 PM
Many moons ago a man and a woman married. They had a traditional "old school" wedding, one in which the woman pledged to ".... love, honor and obey ... " her husband.
Like I said, a long time ago.
The wedding was great as was the reception, following which they disappeared in their convetible dragging trains of beer cans from the rear bumper & a big Just Married sign across the continental kit (http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=continental+kit&gbv=2)of their back of their Merc (http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.seriouswheels.com/pics-1950-1959/1950-Mercury-brown-convertible-custom-le-2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.seriouswheels.com/1950-1959/1950-Mercury-Convertible-Brown-Continental-Kit.htm&h=713&w=1002&sz=368&hl=en&start=2&sig2=H5M2G_HQFqMQm41wLFCnUQ&um=1&tbnid=LcofZr8A9pF6PM:&tbnh=106&tbnw=149&ei=wpbLRq6GLZ2yigGliuTTCA&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcontinental%2Bkit%26svnum%3D10%26um%3 D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN).
Upon their return from the honeymoon, they bought a house in the suburbs, at 3%. On moving day, the very last thing the husband carried in was a truly fine jewelrey box (http://www.juliarush.com/W-Arc_box__inside__lg.jpg)and told his wife:
"This is my personal property. You are never to open it or touch it." he said, "I will only tell you this once and I fully expect you to obey.
Well, she'd said it in front of God and everybody and it was a very long time ago, so she felt like she had no choice but to obey.
The years went by. Martha stayed at home while George toiled at the "office". She raised their 2 children while he played dad when not at work. To all around, a perfect relationship. Every day she cleaned house and every day that goddamn jewelrey box prominently displayed at the top center of his dresser talked to her.
"Open me up." she'd hear it whisper. "Come look inside."
But, of course, it was only her own "evil twin" speaking to her. Anyway, this went on for decades.
One fine spring day, she's doing her daily housework. The windows were open, a nice breeze was coming in. She was alone as usual. After making the bed Martha felt like doing a little extra work and began to dust and polish George's dresser. As always, that goddamn jewelrey box was right in the center of the dresser and she had to lift it to dust underneath. Finally it got to her, she had to look inside. Her evil twin was nearly screaming in her ears:
"Go ahead, OPEN IT!!!!!"
So she did. George and Martha had been married just over forty-one years. She'd never disobeyed him ... never, until that day.
Inside she finds 4 golf balls (http://www.rics.org/NR/rdonlyres/0432BA4F-8B26-41BF-9904-FB2A28387D69/0/golf_ball.jpg). One by one Martha picks each of them up and examines it. Not one of them is anything special. Plain, everyday golf balls.
In the compartment next to the golf balls, there is a stack of money. A lot of money. Quickly glancing over her shoulder to ensure she was alone, Martha picks up the stack of money and stares at it. It is all $50 and $100 bills.
She is stunned. Where did the money come from? Yes, they'd lived a good life, George was a good provider. The house was paid for, as were all the contents. George drove a new car every year. (Martha did not drive) They took nice vacations once every year. The children were gone and happily living on their own. Where did all this money come from?
She counted it. $5500. total. Martha was stunned. She quickly put everything back where it had been and hurredly closed the lid. Using her cloth, she polished the box, erasing any trace of her deed. Suddenly realizing what time it was she finished her few chores and hurred into the living room. George was due in any minute.
George finally comes in the door and greets his wife. After taking off his hat and coat he walks to the small wet bar, pours himself his usual after-work drink - a triple scotch on the rocks - and sits down in his favorite chair. He looks over to his wife, and asks:
"How was your day?"
Martha fixes him with a stern glare and says:
"George, you owe me an explanation. I opened up that goddamn jewelrey box of yours today and I want to know why I've neer been allowed to look inside there before." Martha was letting herself get angry, and her voice cracked just a bit as she continued. "Just what has been so secret in there that you've kept it from me all these years? What are the golf balls? Where did all that money come from?"
The color drained from George's face. Suddenly he looked 10 years older than he really was, and they'd been married over 41 years! His drinking hand trembled. He looked over at her, and took a careful sip. Finally he spoke:
"Well, Martha, if you must know, I have been unfaithful to you. Each time I have done so, I bought a golf ball." George fell silent and stared at his feet.
Martha reacted like she'd been stabbed with a javelin (http://z.about.com/d/esl/1/0/b/2/javalin.gif)straight though the heart. How could this have happened to her? She'd been faithful to George ever since that chilly night in the Nash (http://www.americandreamcars.com/1954nash033106.jpg)so many years ago. There had never been anyone else.
After a few moments, Martha began to settle as she contemplated reality. Every television actor she had ever watched was unfaithful at one time or another. So were the Presidents and the preachers. Who was she to think she was anyone special and protected from life? Besides, there were only the 4 golf balls, which figured out to once every decade or so. Things could be worse. Her own sister had been married 5 times and still kept a man on the side. Martha relaxed. Taking a deep breath, she looked at George and said:
"While what you have told me certainly does not make me the least bit happy, I do forgive you. George, you have been a good husband all these years and I can overlook a few incidents of infidelity, if you answer me just one more question: where did all that money come from? How did you manage to set aside so much money without my knowing?"
George silently stared at her, unmoving. He looked at the drink in his hand, and killed it in one good gulp. The wiskey burned and felt good. His color returned He sat back and said:
"My dear Martha, if you must know, every time I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them!!!
:woohoo: :drinktoth :woohoo:
Like I said, a long time ago.
The wedding was great as was the reception, following which they disappeared in their convetible dragging trains of beer cans from the rear bumper & a big Just Married sign across the continental kit (http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=continental+kit&gbv=2)of their back of their Merc (http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.seriouswheels.com/pics-1950-1959/1950-Mercury-brown-convertible-custom-le-2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.seriouswheels.com/1950-1959/1950-Mercury-Convertible-Brown-Continental-Kit.htm&h=713&w=1002&sz=368&hl=en&start=2&sig2=H5M2G_HQFqMQm41wLFCnUQ&um=1&tbnid=LcofZr8A9pF6PM:&tbnh=106&tbnw=149&ei=wpbLRq6GLZ2yigGliuTTCA&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcontinental%2Bkit%26svnum%3D10%26um%3 D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN).
Upon their return from the honeymoon, they bought a house in the suburbs, at 3%. On moving day, the very last thing the husband carried in was a truly fine jewelrey box (http://www.juliarush.com/W-Arc_box__inside__lg.jpg)and told his wife:
"This is my personal property. You are never to open it or touch it." he said, "I will only tell you this once and I fully expect you to obey.
Well, she'd said it in front of God and everybody and it was a very long time ago, so she felt like she had no choice but to obey.
The years went by. Martha stayed at home while George toiled at the "office". She raised their 2 children while he played dad when not at work. To all around, a perfect relationship. Every day she cleaned house and every day that goddamn jewelrey box prominently displayed at the top center of his dresser talked to her.
"Open me up." she'd hear it whisper. "Come look inside."
But, of course, it was only her own "evil twin" speaking to her. Anyway, this went on for decades.
One fine spring day, she's doing her daily housework. The windows were open, a nice breeze was coming in. She was alone as usual. After making the bed Martha felt like doing a little extra work and began to dust and polish George's dresser. As always, that goddamn jewelrey box was right in the center of the dresser and she had to lift it to dust underneath. Finally it got to her, she had to look inside. Her evil twin was nearly screaming in her ears:
"Go ahead, OPEN IT!!!!!"
So she did. George and Martha had been married just over forty-one years. She'd never disobeyed him ... never, until that day.
Inside she finds 4 golf balls (http://www.rics.org/NR/rdonlyres/0432BA4F-8B26-41BF-9904-FB2A28387D69/0/golf_ball.jpg). One by one Martha picks each of them up and examines it. Not one of them is anything special. Plain, everyday golf balls.
In the compartment next to the golf balls, there is a stack of money. A lot of money. Quickly glancing over her shoulder to ensure she was alone, Martha picks up the stack of money and stares at it. It is all $50 and $100 bills.
She is stunned. Where did the money come from? Yes, they'd lived a good life, George was a good provider. The house was paid for, as were all the contents. George drove a new car every year. (Martha did not drive) They took nice vacations once every year. The children were gone and happily living on their own. Where did all this money come from?
She counted it. $5500. total. Martha was stunned. She quickly put everything back where it had been and hurredly closed the lid. Using her cloth, she polished the box, erasing any trace of her deed. Suddenly realizing what time it was she finished her few chores and hurred into the living room. George was due in any minute.
George finally comes in the door and greets his wife. After taking off his hat and coat he walks to the small wet bar, pours himself his usual after-work drink - a triple scotch on the rocks - and sits down in his favorite chair. He looks over to his wife, and asks:
"How was your day?"
Martha fixes him with a stern glare and says:
"George, you owe me an explanation. I opened up that goddamn jewelrey box of yours today and I want to know why I've neer been allowed to look inside there before." Martha was letting herself get angry, and her voice cracked just a bit as she continued. "Just what has been so secret in there that you've kept it from me all these years? What are the golf balls? Where did all that money come from?"
The color drained from George's face. Suddenly he looked 10 years older than he really was, and they'd been married over 41 years! His drinking hand trembled. He looked over at her, and took a careful sip. Finally he spoke:
"Well, Martha, if you must know, I have been unfaithful to you. Each time I have done so, I bought a golf ball." George fell silent and stared at his feet.
Martha reacted like she'd been stabbed with a javelin (http://z.about.com/d/esl/1/0/b/2/javalin.gif)straight though the heart. How could this have happened to her? She'd been faithful to George ever since that chilly night in the Nash (http://www.americandreamcars.com/1954nash033106.jpg)so many years ago. There had never been anyone else.
After a few moments, Martha began to settle as she contemplated reality. Every television actor she had ever watched was unfaithful at one time or another. So were the Presidents and the preachers. Who was she to think she was anyone special and protected from life? Besides, there were only the 4 golf balls, which figured out to once every decade or so. Things could be worse. Her own sister had been married 5 times and still kept a man on the side. Martha relaxed. Taking a deep breath, she looked at George and said:
"While what you have told me certainly does not make me the least bit happy, I do forgive you. George, you have been a good husband all these years and I can overlook a few incidents of infidelity, if you answer me just one more question: where did all that money come from? How did you manage to set aside so much money without my knowing?"
George silently stared at her, unmoving. He looked at the drink in his hand, and killed it in one good gulp. The wiskey burned and felt good. His color returned He sat back and said:
"My dear Martha, if you must know, every time I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them!!!
:woohoo: :drinktoth :woohoo: