:) Some of you may have played this message board game before but I will explain it for those who have not.

A poster wishes for something.

Next poster grants it but with the proverbial "but" clause.

Example:

Poster A: I wish I could play the guitar.

Poster B: Granted... but your hands get arthritis so you play everything out of tune.

Lol Okay...



I wish I could see thru walls (& clothes)

Granted, but you're not allowed to leave the weight loss clinic.

I wish for a bizillion dollars.

Granted, but the IRS wants it.

i wish for my damaged nerve to heal:(

Granted, but the IRS wants it.

i wish for my damaged nerve to heal:(

Granted... but then you get this twitch in your eye that wont go away. Then you notice people everywhere think you are winking at them. It is an amazing wink. Thy find you irresistible (even those whom you think are quite disgusting). At first, you might like this.... but after a while, you realized you cannot even go to the grocery store without having your arsh squeezed (among other things), so you become an agoraphobic recluse and die of loneliness.

by-the-way.....Lionel, I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I read your post...... doomed to having x-ray vision at a weight loss clinic...LMAO!!!!!

I wish my exhusband would leave the country and never come back.

Granted, but it will cost you your alimony and child support

I wish I could find a woman that doesnt play head games

granted, but it's because she's not bright enough to play them..

i wish i could fly.

granted, but it's because she's not bright enough to play them..

i wish i could fly.

Granted....But the FAA identifies you as an UFO. This is brought to President Bush's attention and he states that you are a terrorist attacking the US and he orders you shot down. The missiles barely miss you but the passing percussion of the missiles causes you to tumble thru the air to the ground. Fortunately a tree breaks your fall. However, falling thru the tree tears off all your clothes. Finding yourself completely naked you realize your only choice is to walk along a busy road to find help. Then your viper of an ex-mother in-law with a big mouth picks you up.

I wish I could fire my boss!

your boss loses his job, but he wins the lottery and buys the company and you are screwed.

I wish I could climb mt. everest.

You make it to the top of Mt. Everest but are blown off the North Face while descending. Unfortunately, your legs are crushed and have to be amputated below the knee.

I wish to never have a zip code of 92808!

Granted, but you're forced to live in the 909 area code.

Hell, I wish I did live with a a zipper of 92808

Granted...But there is a huge earthquake in southern California and the 92808 breaks off from the continent and becomes an island. Bush then decides that people who live there are undesireable and he doesn't let anyone leave. Then he makes it into a prison colony.

I wish that Bush would get a brain transplant.

ur wish is granted but he got urs and flatlind.

i wish my dad was alive.

I'll probably start a war here, but I have to respond to this first
Granted...But there is a huge earthquake in southern California and the 92808 breaks off from the continent and becomes an island. Bush then decides that people who live there are undesireable and he doesn't let anyone leave. Then he makes it into a prison colony.
I thought thats what Earth was to the Aliens 10,000 years ago.


Now, back to the game....

Granted. But you can only communicate with him through mind transfers

I wish... Mac would adopt Joey

granted. i dont want to corupt it but...............she does but then she gets in truble n goes back to jail and i go to the state.

i wish my hand was norml.

granted. i dont want to corupt it but...............she does but then she gets in truble n goes back to jail and i go to the state.

i wish my hand was norml.

Granted....But it only stays normal if you wear your hair in a mohawk and twiddle your thumbs twice an hour.

I wish I could eat everything I want without gaining a pound

Granted, but you lose your sense of taste.

I wish I had a turkey sandwich. (simpsons anyone?)

Granted, but the turkey is still alive.

I wish I had a faster computer.

Granted, but the turkey is still alive.

I wish I had a faster computer.

Granted...But as your computer is awesomely fast, it makes a horrible grinding sound as it computes.

I wish my mother would have understood me.

Granted...But as your computer is awesomely fast, it makes a horrible grinding sound as it computes.

I wish my mother would have understood me.
she did~because you are becoming her:@@:

i wish i could make time run backwards.

she did~because you are becoming her:@@:

i wish i could make time run backwards.

Granted, but prices remain at their current levels while wages go back to what they were.

I wish I were back in my 16 year old body while retaining everything I've learned in my life.

Granted, but prices remain at their current levels while wages go back to what they were.

I wish I were back in my 16 year old body while retaining everything I've learned in my life.

Granted, but when you find yourself in your 16 year old body and see yourself as a child, with a couple chin hairs at most, you try to recapture your youth. You seek out other kids your age. You get caught up with a gang who talks you into a tatto or two, then a crime or two. You end up in prision for life because you are blamed for a drive by shooting.

I wish I was 35 years old again and would have immortality (without aging).

granted, but you'll out live everyone you love:(

i wish i had know my paternal grandfather better...he died when i was 3:(

Granted, your grandfather miraculously comes out of the water of life and tells you that you that he loves you and reminds you that you do know him. He says, You just don’t realize it in this physical manifestation of life. When your time comes, your eyes will be opened and you will remember everything. He then says, I must leave now, but I look forward to when we will be together again.

You miss him very much, but you come to the realization that your soul knows your grandfathers soul and the time will come when you truly know and realize that truth.

I wish that I could live on a farm again (grew up on a farm) with horses and many animals to love.

Granted but you must till the land and toil all day and into the night to survive.

I wish Sammy would come home soon, I miss him like crazy. :(

Granted, but then you must leave.

I wish I could adopt 2 puppies and 2 kittys

Granted, but then you must leave.

I wish I could adopt 2 puppies and 2 kittys
you shall, and they will fight like cat's and dogs:lolhit:

i wish i had a million dollars

if i had a million dollars, i'd buy you a green dress, but not a real green dress..that's cruel:cool:

Granted, but the money is stolen and you are arrested for the crime. When you try to explain that you got the money from a wish, you are convicted and sent to prison for twenty years.

I wish I knew the winners of all sporting events one day in advance of the game.

Granted. but any profit you make has to be donated to a non~profit organization.

I wish my hubby would come home and talk things thru.

Granted. but any profit you make has to be donated to a non~profit organization.

I wish my hubby would come home and talk things thru.

Granted but you will have to be kind to him for a month and swallow every nasty thing you have said to him and respond to his every desire.

I wish I had a caramel/chocolate blizzard for dessert.

Granted...and it is the most delicious and calorie filled blizzard that was ever made. In the morning you wake up 50 pounds heavier and not one piece of clothing that you own fits you.

I wish that my evil ex-husband and evil ex-mother-inlaw would have to pay for the evil they have done (my exhusband abused me and now his new wife died suspiciously and it looks like he is going to get away with it). BTW, my ex-mother-inlaw seen my black eyes and bruises and refused to believe me that her son was abusing me.

Granted but you will have to be kind to him for a month and swallow every nasty thing you have said to him and respond to his every desire.

I wish I had a caramel/chocolate blizzard for dessert.
Who me? Say nasty things? nevar!!!
*I was provoked, just for the record*

Granted, but you went for another and ended up with a brain freeze and was temporarily blinded, causing you to drive into the ditch and total the car.Thankfully you ended up without a scratch.

I wish my friends from ny that came to visit yesterday could have stayed longer.

Who me? Say nasty things? nevar!!!
*I was provoked, just for the record*

Granted, but you went for another and ended up with a brain freeze and was temporarily blinded, causing you to drive into the ditch and total the car.Thankfully you ended up without a scratch.

Waaaaaah, I totalled my new SUV :sob: That Dairy Queen Blizzard was likely worth it!

I wish my friends from ny that came to visit yesterday could have stayed longer
Granted but the whole while they stay there can be no partying. :D

I wish I had all of my housework done and could just chill out, read, drink wine, enjoy the sun, hike, and cook for my next two days off.

Waaaaaah, I totalled my new SUV :sob: That Dairy Queen Blizzard was likely worth it!


Granted but the whole while they stay there can be no partying. :D

I wish I had all of my housework done and could just chill out, read, drink wine, enjoy the sun, hike, and cook for my next two days off.
:p party pooper!

Isn't that what hubby's are for,to do the housework while you chill?

You are granted a majik wand to instantly clean your home so you can chill but in three days the work is undone and back to what it was 2 times as worse.

I wish I had a case of labatts. *hint,hint*

:p party pooper!

Isn't that what hubby's are for,to do the housework while you chill?

You are granted a majik wand to instantly clean your home so you can chill but in three days the work is undone and back to what it was 2 times as worse.

I wish I had a case of labatts. *hint,hint*
granted, but you have to share with the hillbillies next door:hahanot:

i wish i could find my damn car keys!

I wish I had a case of labatts. *hint,hint*

Tch, mailing M&M's to The Dude is as good as it gets. I could maybe drive it down, oh no wait, you crashed my freaking car :p

i wish i could find my damn car keys!

granted, but the key is bent... baaaahahaha

I wish my white gold earring had not been bent to hell under the wheel of that car... :sob:

I wish my white gold earring had not been bent to hell under the wheel of that car... :sob:
Forget the earring, how's your head?!?!?!:p

Granted but you lose the other one down the drain.

I wish I had some food to wash this beer down with.

Forget the earring, how's your head?!?!?!:p .

Fuck off...that made me laugh out loud...:lolhit:

I wish I had some food to wash this beer down with
Granted but it is all highly nutritious, high fibre good for you stuff to counteract the effects of the beer.

I wish my neighbours would STFU and go in from their balcony. I can smell cigarettes and it is making want one! :sniiiiiiiiiiiiiff:

Fuck off...that made me laugh out loud...:lolhit:


Granted but it is all highly nutritious, high fibre good for you stuff to counteract the effects of the beer.

I wish my neighbours would STFU and go in from their balcony. I can smell cigarettes and it is making want one! :sniiiiiiiiiiiiiff:

Granted...your neighbors balcony collapses and they can never use it again. Since they only smoke on the balcony they decide to quit smoking. They leave their remaining 5 cartons of cigarettes (they no longer want) on your door step. You cannot resist and you become a 3-pack a day smoker.

I wish that my sister would get married

grantd but shes prego with twins

i wish mac was here 2 see me skate.

Fuck off...that made me laugh out loud...:lolhit:




:D

Granted, but she's pregnant with triplets!!!!! :eek:

I wish my tomato plants would blossom soon.

:D

Granted, but she's pregnant with triplets!!!!! :eek:

I wish my tomato plants would blossom soon.
granted, but the over abundance of tomatoes leads to a bad pasta habit that puts 30 lbs on you...

i wish Domino's had Chinese food...i'm fiending for sweet & sour chicken, but i don't wanna go out in the rain, and the Chinese places around here don't deliver:rant:

If Domino's had Chinese food it would be made from cats.

I wish the Sheila would call me.

damn good cat!

she would, but she's waiting for you to call-she a wee old fashioned that way..

i wish i would have been nicer to Warrior...i feel guilty:(

If you had been nicer she might have bit your head off.


I wish I could meet the bloke the messed the sheila up!

damn good cat!

she would, but she's waiting for you to call-she a wee old fashioned that way..

i wish i would have been nicer to Warrior...i feel guilty:(

Granted, but she attacks you anyway no matter how hard you try. :(

I wish someone in my life didn't have a temper and like to hit others.

If you had been nicer she might have bit your head off.


I wish I could meet the bloke the messed the sheila up!

Oops, sorry.

Granted, but then you go to jail for the night, with bubba! :eek:

I wish she would call you soon to end your worry.

She called and said she is not coming home any time soon!



I wish I was with her!

Granted, but neither of you are allowed to speak.

I wish it would warm up here just a 'tich.

P.S. Down Under She called and said she is not coming home any time soon!
She probably just needs some time and space. Let her have it if that what she needs now. When she is ready she will come back. :)

Granted, but neither of you are allowed to speak.

I wish it would warm up here just a 'tich.

P.S. Down Under She probably just needs some time and space. Let her have it if that what she needs now. When she is ready she will come back. :)

Granted, but it warms up because there is a volcanic eruption that bursts from the ground and it rains lava.

I wish I could put a book under my pillow at night and wake up in the morning knowing everything in the book. My 1st book.....how to understand men.

Granted, but it warms up because there is a volcanic eruption that bursts from the ground and it rains lava.

I wish I could put a book under my pillow at night and wake up in the morning knowing everything in the book. My 1st book.....how to understand men.
Granted. But you find out in the morning it was a book of jokes. I dont need to say more.

I wish I could find a woman that wont kick me to the curb for being a nice guy.

Granted. But you find out in the morning it was a book of jokes. I dont need to say more.

I wish I could find a woman that wont kick me to the curb for being a nice guy.

Granted, but she talks a mile a minute and most of it is nagging.

I wish I had a power that would make people tell the truth whenever I say the magic words "what do you think?"

Granted, but they would only say the horrible nasty evil depressing things that they think of you.

I wish I could eat my own head.

I wish I could eat my own head.
Granted, but you are still hungry and eat the whole thing!:D

I wish gas prices would drop.

Granted, you still get to own your Hummer, but it seems al gore was right and we all suffococate in our own toxic fumes. Thanks Turd.

Granted, but you are still hungry and eat the whole thing!:D

I wish gas prices would drop.

Granted, but it because the gas companies spike the gas with a low octane fuel and now your car sputters (because of the sub-standard fuel). It runs but it cuts out when you try to accelerate. Then one day, when you try to excellerate at a fresh green light, you stall and your car is rear-ended. You have your prize crystal collection (that you inherited from beloved relatives) in your trunk and every piece shatters into thousands of pieces.

I wish that I could go back in time and talk to the signers of our Constitution (before they signed it) and tell them what happens in the future so they could add more safe-guards.

Granted, but now we've turned into France.

I wish that everyone would stop being so stupid.

Granted, but now we've turned into France.

I wish that everyone would stop being so stupid.

Granted but when they do, that raises the general IQ by a lot and leaves you in the bottom of the top echelon.

I wish I had four days off instead of just three.

Granted but when they do, that raises the general IQ by a lot and leaves you in the bottom of the top echelon.

I wish I had four days off instead of just three.

Granted, but with the extra spare time you decide to clean house. You throw away everything you are not currently using. The next day you cannot find anything ARG!

I wish I could figure out how to assemble an entertainment center that I purchased.

Granted, but by the time you do, it's already obsolete technology.

I wish i lived in Texas.

Granted, but by the time you do, it's already obsolete technology.

I wish i lived in Texas.

Granted, but when Bush leaves the WH he declares TX as a new nation and he is the emperor, then he decides to nuke the USA. In self-defense, the new Prez nukes TX.

I wish I could talk to animals and understand them like Dr. Dolittle.

Granted, but you discover that all they're doing is saying "hi!" over and over again.

I wish my middle name really was "Danger".

Granted, but you discover that all they're doing is saying "hi!" over and over again.

I wish my middle name really was "Danger".
Granted....but chicks expect you to live up to it.:eek:

i wish i could plug a USB cable directly to my brain to surf faster:cool:

Granted, but now your brain is filled with viruses from all that porn. Remember kids, always wear an e-condom!

I wish I could actually understand what black people are talking about.

Granted, but now your brain is filled with viruses from all that porn. Remember kids, always wear an e-condom!

I wish I could actually understand what black people are talking about.


Granted, But your IQ points have to go up 50 points (at least). Then you realize what an offensive idiot you were.

I wish I had the power to freeze time at will (like the old movie with the magic watch). Then I would play practical jokes on people.

Granted, but you get trapped in non-time for all eternity. (Just like The Twilight Zone)



I wish I had a 3rd arm growing out of the top of my head.

Granted, but you get trapped in non-time for all eternity. (Just like The Twilight Zone)



I wish I had a 3rd arm growing out of the top of my head.
granted, but now you're really confused when you want to shake someone's hand.


i wish some of my stalkers were a little more sincere about it:(

Granted, but they tie you up and play games that you wish you had never learnt.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, but you get designated as a UFO and are shot down.


I wish i was a mod.

Granted, but you're now in charge of SPAM removal.

I wish I had a footlocker full of $100. bills right here underneath my desk.

Granted, but you're now in charge of SPAM removal.

I wish I had a footlocker full of $100. bills right here underneath my desk.

Granted, but they are counterfit and you get caught with them and go to prison.

I wish that my body was as flexible as a professional contortionist.

Granted, but they are counterfit and you get caught with them and go to prison.

I wish that my body was as flexible as a professional contortionist.
Granted, but you're alone with nobody to enjoy it!

I wish that I didn't have to wear a bra or underwear to work.

Granted, but you then have an army of stalkers following you around the office.


I wish for a flamethrower.

Granted, but you then have an army of stalkers following you around the office.


I wish for a flamethrower.
Granted, but you are in a gay bar.

I wish to be on a desert island with Josh Holloway

Granted buy he is actually gay.

I wish it would thunderstorm tonight instead of just raining.

Granted, but you are in a gay bar.

I wish to be on a desert island with Josh Holloway

Granted, but he turns in to Dr. Benny! You become dissatisfied and cannot wait to get rescued.

I wish I could seduce a desirable coworker that I work with! (he is a hunk!!!)

Granted, but he turns in to Dr. Benny! You become dissatisfied and cannot wait to get rescued.

I wish I could seduce a desirable coworker that I work with! (he is a hunk!!!)
Granted, but it's really Sal in a thunderstorm, and he turns into Rosie O'Donnell.

I wish I never had to work another day again.

Granted but it is because you were fired and no one else will hire you so you wind up on welfare for the rest of your life.

I wish I had a magic pocket that always contained the right amount of money I needed to buy something.

Granted but it is because you were fired and no one else will hire you so you wind up on welfare for the rest of your life.

I wish I had a magic pocket that always contained the right amount of money I needed to buy something.
Granted, but you can never play pocket pool again!

I wish it was summer all the time.

granted but you have to spend all your summers in Antarctica where it is freezing cold even in summer.

I wish my lawn would mow itself.

granted but you have to spend all your summers in Antarctica where it is freezing cold even in summer.

I wish my lawn would mow itself.

Granted, but the lawn mower runs 24 hours a day.

I wish Dave Matthews lived in my house.

Granted, but his band practices in your house daily, then your hearing is damaged and your neighbors hate you because of all the noise.

I wish I had an All electric car and never had to buy gas again.

Granted, but it runs on AA's, so you have to fill your trunk with batteries.

I wish I had stretchy limbs.

Granted, but it runs on AA's, so you have to fill your trunk with batteries.

I wish I had stretchy limbs.
Granted, but people want to use them to make chicken wings.

I wish I don't have a hangover tomorrow! :@@:

Granted, but you have to eat a bowl of Menudo every day.

I wish I could find all the files I'm looking for

Granted, but they are all password protected and you can't remember what the password is.

I wish my house never needed cleaning.

Granted, but they are all password protected and you can't remember what the password is.

I wish my house never needed cleaning.

Granted, Your house becomes magicly self-cleaning and does not allow your house to change in any way. Any time you bring anything new into your house, it also magicly disappears (even your new 65" big screen TV).

I wish that I had a holodeck (like on Star Trek - a computer simulated enviroment and simulated people and story line of your choice), then I could enjoy many fantasies.

Granted, Your house becomes magicly self-cleaning and does not allow your house to change in any way. Any time you bring anything new into your house, it also magicly disappears (even your new 65" big screen TV).

I wish that I had a holodeck (like on Star Trek - a computer simulated enviroment and simulated people and story line of your choice), then I could enjoy many fantasies.
Granted, but they all star "Pat" from Saturday Night Live.

I wish I could win the Powerball.

Granted, but you have to adopt me.

I wish my pets werent so skittish around kids

Granted, but you have to adopt me.

I wish my pets werent so skittish around kids

Granted but all the kids are yours and now you have to support them (gottcha :D)

I wish I had my own personal aeroplane

Granted, but its as old as the hills, never had an annual, and fails faa (or canadia equivalent) inspections. Your A&P mech says it will cost you 5 times what its worth to fix it. Makes a nice planter, though.

I wish I would have stuck it out and got my license.



Granted but all the kids are yours and now you have to support them
And Sal, you have no idea how much I wish that were true

Granted, but now you're pitifully poor due to insurance costs.


I wish I could get The Simpsons down here...

Granted, but now you're pitifully poor due to insurance costs.


I wish I could get The Simpsons down here...
Granted, but you have the same episode over and over and over and over.....


I wish there were no Mondays.

Granted, but Saturday and Sunday are deleted too, so you have no time to recover from a sordid weekend you didnt have

I wish my kitchen would finish remodeling itself

Granted, but Saturday and Sunday are deleted too, so you have no time to recover from a sordid weekend you didnt have

I wish my kitchen would finish remodeling itself
Granted, but it's all with appliances that don't work.

I wish my cats would learn to use the toliet.

Granted, but it's all with appliances that don't work.

I wish my cats would learn to use the toliet.

Granted, but they fill it with litter so they feel at home.

I wish I had someone to do my laundry for me

Granted, but they steal all of your pants. What will you do NOW!?

I wish I could breathe underwater.

Granted, but they fill it with litter so they feel at home.

I wish I had someone to do my laundry for me
Granted, but she looks like "Hazel"

I wish my car didn't need gas to drive.

Granted, but they steal all of your pants. What will you do NOW!?

I wish I could breathe underwater.

Granted, but you have gills in the side of your neck...

I wish my car didn't need gas to drive.
Granted but it uses orange peel and now you smell like citrus all the time (which you are allergic to).

I wish someone would pay off my car for me.

Aside post: Granted but all the kids are yours and now you have to support them
And Sal, you have no idea how much I wish that were true

:(

Granted, but you have gills in the side of your neck...


Granted but it uses orange peel and now you smell like citrus all the time (which you are allergic to).

I wish someone would pay off my car for me.

Granted, You get drunk and marry a 95 year old with saggy skin that hangs down to the knees (you begin to recall, in a drunken haze, that you signed a prenup). You wake up in the morning and your new spouse surpises you with the gift of paying off your car, provided you vow to have sex 5 timea a day until the loan would have been paid off, if they had not paid it.

I wish that I had a magic power where I could plant subconscience suggestions into others minds. I could will my boss to pull down his pants, and moon everyone, in a corporate meeting.