Okay folks, let's peer into the inner workings of Borg's brain again. Better buckle up, because this one ain't easy.

I go to the Illinois Institute of Technology. I major in Computer Science. I have a scholarship that required me to maintain a 3.0 GPA the first academic year I attended (last semester and the current one), and apparently it goes up to a 3.25 next academic year, which surprised and dismayed me. I cannot afford to attend IIT, with its $23k tuition per year, without that scholarship.

I got a 3.13 GPA the first semester I attended. This semester I am scared to death of a couple classes, namely Systems Programming (which I may withdraw from once I hear back on my midterm exam score), and Differential Equations. This has been wreaking absolute hell on my mood, which seems to be initiating a rather ugly spiral: I'm more tired than usual now, I sleep worse, and as a result I have less energy to do schoolwork/study during the day, and I just want to do nothing. Worse, I find myself questioning the utility of a Computer Science degree in the job market, as a lot of jobs involving computers these days look more at talent than a piece of paper that says "Bachelor of Science" on it.

On the other hand, I'm experiencing horrible guilt for being even in this position (keep in mind, the college has labeled my academic progress "OK" for the last semester and already approved my scholarship for the next academic year. I haven't heard a word of caution or reprimand from the college.). I know my entire family wanted me to go to college after high school, and it seemed like the logical thing to do. I'm not so sure it's logical anymore, yet I can't help but feel like I'd be letting so many people down if I managed to lose that scholarship. My family, my girlfriend (whom I have promised to take care of)...yet I just can't find any motivation or satisfaction in college. When I do work I'm just going through the motions. I still go to class, but I have absolutely no desire to and just want to go back to my room and sleep. I feel like I'm dangerously close to making a decision that will affect the rest of my life, and I care, but it just seems like I can't find the motivation to do it. My life has gotten rather complicated in a hurry...I'm self-sufficient almost entirely now, and I will be completely once I find and move into a new apartment before the end of this semester, I have a girlfriend (in a long distance relationship, mind you), I have these grades about which I am immensely worried...it's beginning to overwhelm me. Something is going to have to give. I'm going to have to find that motivation, get lucky with my grades...or drop out and/or take a break, and throw away that $9775/semester scholarship. Is this depression? Because I've been feeling like this for about a week, and it is acutely unpleasant. I suddenly have mood swings, I also feel guilty about even considering this possibility (mostly because of my girlfriend), but the desire for college just isn't with me anymore. The sole motivation I have to make decent grades and keep that scholarship is to avoid letting down that one person about whom I care most deeply, but not even that seems sufficient at this juncture.

I have a decision to make on whether to keep that Systems Programming class (3 credit-hours; dropping it will put me from 17 credit-hours this semester to 14, which is perfectly fine), as well as a DiffEq test next Friday which I am dreading and do want to study for. Maybe I'll feel better after decisions are made on all this and everything is done and over with. I hope so. Right now, I just don't know how much of this I can take. The adjustments are too numerous, the requirements large, and the payoff nebulous at best. The best adjectives to describe me now are depressed and confused. This really isn't where I wanted or expected to be.

what are you getting at, Borg? you're thinking of dropping a class because it's hard? that doesn't sound like you. it's hard because it has things you need to know.

the talent vs. ticket punch argument doesn't hold up either, talent isn't looked at until after they look at your ticket. no degree, no interview.

http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a862/a862_thumb.gif

what are you getting at, Borg? you're thinking of dropping a class because it's hard? that doesn't sound like you. it's hard because it has things you need to know.
I can deal with hard. But if that difficulty leads to a C, that puts me in an even more difficult scenario with my scholarship.

Wow, Borg...you've got a lot on your plate and that's enough to cause the depression you're feeling. My b/f is studying for his PhD right now and going through his comps, and is experiencing a lot of what you described in your post. I hope you can get past this part of it, because you're obviously very dedicated and determined to get your degree. I was just having this discussion concerning the depression people experience while trying to handle so much at once and feeling overwhelmed.

Do you have an advisor you can talk to at school? There should also be some counselors for this, since you are not alone in what you're struggling with. That, alone, could help you feel better. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

:)
Kimi

I can deal with hard. But if that difficulty leads to a C, that puts me in an even more difficult scenario with my scholarship.
then you're going to have to improve your grade! either improve that one, or do better in your other ones! it's the average:thumbs:

you worry too much. worse comes to worse, there's always part-time.

A quick comment, and a couple of suggestions.
First the comment. What colleges do is weed out those who are not going to make it early. Usually in the second semester of freshman year. This is a test of character as much as anything. If you quit, you lose. Also, you are now experiencing something that is classic among college athletes. You were the best in high school. Everyone else here was the best in there high school. Your running with the big dogs now.
Now a couple of tips. First, don't be afraid to look for help. It isn't a sign of weakness. Are tutors available? Are there any study groups? If not, form one yourself. Look around and see who is doing well. Invite them to join your group, or ask to join there group if they have one. Talk to your professor, and ask for tips on how you can do better. The professor wants you succeed.

Also, relax. Stress hormones adversely affect memory. Actually take spring break, and relax for a while. If you must take your books, schedule a few days when you don't look at them. You will come back better for it. Also get your girlfriend to help relieve some of that stress. Sometimes that is the biggest help of all.

Know that if your scholarship is discontinued it can probably be reinstated after your GPA gets back higher. Also understand that you can take student loan on low interest which you don't have to even start paying back until many months after graduation.

Also, relax. Stress hormones adversely affect memory. Actually take spring break, and relax for a while. If you must take your books, schedule a few days when you don't look at them. You will come back better for it.
Spring Break has come and gone, and I actually did ignore the books for the entirety of it.

Spring Break has come and gone, and I actually did ignore the books for the entirety of it.
what's summer looking like? internship? summer job? summer classes?

I'm sorry to hear about this, borg. It sounds tough. It IS tough.

My own college kids went through and are going through the same thing. It's an overload--of everything. They feel burnt out and overwhelmed. They wonder if they can go on.

People who haven't attended college don't always realize how very difficult it can be. There are many times you feel and will feel like throwing in the towel. College students seem little better than indentured servants at many times. The work load and stress can be overwhelming.

Imagineer gives superb advice. I would also like to add what I told my own kids.

Are you eating right?

Exercising regularly?--very important!

Interacting with others away from the college?

And most importantly, are you sleeping on a regular and good basis?
My kids were up all night, napped during the day, ate junk food. Their sleep patterns were horribly disrupted. Proper sleep--8 continous hours, at night, could do the trick.

Good luck to you. Hang in there. It WILL get better.

Every colledge, university etc, especially technical-related, seems like hell during the first year. It's not that the next years you are to relax, you'll just get accustomed. Believe me, in some 2-3 years you'll be laughing at these "problems". :thumbs:

Are you eating right?

Exercising regularly?--very important!

Interacting with others away from the college?

And most importantly, are you sleeping on a regular and good basis?

Took the words out of my mouth ren. Your mind and energy levels are directly tied to how much you exercise you get, how much sleep you get and what you eat. Apart from exercise, the best way to get rid of stress is to socialize. Try to do some fun workout for at least 20 mins a day. It's not much and it will make a world of difference.

Another thing that can help is meditation. a great way to relax and reduce stress.

Another thing that can help is meditation. a great way to relax and reduce stress.

wish I had the patience for that. I can never seem to do that

Take your vitamins, get back to it, and kick that college's ass.
You will make the grade, and you will keep your scholarship.

You can do this, and you know it.
Do not rationalize the fear of failure with the 'do I really want this sheepskin?' bullshit.
You're just tired right now, buddy.

That sheepskin is your ticket to more opportunities than the rest of us ever dreamed about at your age.
Forget the wage-earning numbers, and forget the fact that you can make your rent with some other job. It's about opportunities and options.
The degree will open doors and give you more choices, period.
It is worth the temporary sacrifice, believe me.

If you were my son, I'd be telling you the exact same thing.
(And I'm proud of you for caring enough to post this message of concern. Real losers would just quit, quietly.)

And PS: Jean Luc Picard never quit.
Ever.

Aaaah, Borg I feel bad for you. What you are experiencing may well be a form of depression but it doesn't sound like clinical depression. In other words it is situational and will pass. More tired and less able to sleep is all about stress. You are stressed bud. And it won't be the last time. Now is as good a time as any to learn how to cope with stress. There are strategies you can use to get through stress. Talking to a counsellor may help. Also just telling yourself you will do the best you can, then really trying, and then letting things just fall where they do may be the best way. I am not saying it is going to be easy. It won't. But something tells me you have survived worse Borg. You've already been through tough times. Maybe this is triggering some of those unresolved things or issues. For instance telling DF you will look after her. Sorry Borg but it isn't possible to look after another. That is not your job. Supporting her emotionally is great, much else is not reasonable to expect of yourself. You are a partner not a parent. You have to separate the two. Step back and give yourself a break.

You know I think you are really bright and capable. You sound overwhelmed. Just keep at it and keep plugging. Don't quit. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. First year is difficult and a huge challenge. Things will get easier or at least more manageable would likely be a more accurate way to put it. Just push yourself to do what you can and the rest will fall into place.

He doesn't support me any way but emotionally, at least at the moment... But the plan is that when we get married and start a family I'll stay home with the children, and then he will be supporting me.

He doesn't support me any way but emotionally, at least at the moment... But the plan is that when we get married and start a family I'll stay home with the children, and then he will be supporting me.

Hey DF, just want to clarify things so that you do not think that was a criticism of you in anyway. One never knows what the future holds for any of us financially or otherwise. So for Borg to pressure himself at this time with feelings of possbily inadequacy for the future is just pressure which has no use.

Hope you understand what was meant there. :)

I'm more tired than usual now, I sleep worse, and as a result I have less energy to do schoolwork/study during the day, and I just want to do nothing.
Might I recommend a change in diet and exercise? Eating a healthier diet and perhaps doing a bit of walking or jogging (though it's not best to do that in Chicago's downtown, so find a gym :D). It will get your body moving so you're going to be more energetic during the day and will be able to get a more restful sleep.

Also, don't worry about the quality of your degree. Just because some people are able to get jobs due to their excellence doesn't mean a degree is going to be rendered an ineffectual tool in the field. A degree can always put you ahead of the game regardless of field, and in 2007 we're after new blood in the field you're approaching as it stands.

Keep in mind that you can always allocate your classes and time towards another subject, as it is just freshman year, many people don't find a major until junior year. And remember, just because you've been placed with the onus of family expectation and your future in career and relationship-wise, that it is your life and your time in college. If you're not comfortable with how things are going, ride out a couple more weeks and then make decisions, step away from the computer for some time and it might help you make a change for the better.
Is this depression? Because I've been feeling like this for about a week, and it is acutely unpleasant. I suddenly have mood swings, I also feel guilty about even considering this possibility (mostly because of my girlfriend), but the desire for college just isn't with me anymore. The sole motivation I have to make decent grades and keep that scholarship is to avoid letting down that one person about whom I care most deeply, but not even that seems sufficient at this juncture.
As Sal said, this is an episodic fit of situational depression. The stress is wearing on you and it will hopefully pass in time rather quickly. Perhaps a call home would help give some lengthy advice on what to do with your classes, but your motivation for doing better is a bit of your own doing.

Also consider that college may not be your thing, or perhaps you are taking courses which prove too challenging. A huge percentage of kids drop out or do not attend period and they can get through life fine, with a family or not.

Okay, a little update, folks.

I dropped my Systems Programming class. I couldn't get my lab to work, and I didn't want that hanging over me. It went down as a withdrawal. It doesn't affect my GPA, and I'll give that class another shot next semester. Its absence this semester should relieve some of my stress. And there's no hurry to graduate; I started college with 23 credits before I even set foot in a classroom. I also am feeling a bit less stressed right now; once this coming week is over, a lot of it will probably evaporate.

Pssst ..... if you ignore stuff it will go away. I promise!

Okay, a little update, folks.

I dropped my Systems Programming class. I couldn't get my lab to work, and I didn't want that hanging over me. It went down as a withdrawal. It doesn't affect my GPA, and I'll give that class another shot next semester. Its absence this semester should relieve some of my stress. And there's no hurry to graduate; I started college with 23 credits before I even set foot in a classroom. I also am feeling a bit less stressed right now; once this coming week is over, a lot of it will probably evaporate.
why didn't i think of that! just put off the ones kicking your ass off as long as you can! you might learn things along the way that will make them easier!:thumbs:

Pssst ..... if you ignore stuff it will go away. I promise!
i hope for your sake that you never get an STD.:lolhit:

i hope for your sake that you never get an STD.:lolhit:

Or a letter from the IRS. ;)

Borg, here's some advice: fuck a lot of women, not just one woman, a lot of women. Oh, and start drinking heavily, beer don't cost nothing.

Thank you movie quotes.

Okay, a little update, folks.

I dropped my Systems Programming class. I couldn't get my lab to work, and I didn't want that hanging over me. It went down as a withdrawal. It doesn't affect my GPA, and I'll give that class another shot next semester. Its absence this semester should relieve some of my stress. And there's no hurry to graduate; I started college with 23 credits before I even set foot in a classroom. I also am feeling a bit less stressed right now; once this coming week is over, a lot of it will probably evaporate.

One thing to consider is how many credits you take each semester. College courses are generally harder than high school classes, and require much more work. A good rule of thumb is about 3-4 hours spent on each class for each hour in class, but this can vary widely between courses. Computer classes are notorious time hogs. One viable strategy for improving your GPA is taking fewer courses each semester, and especially in semesters with particulairly hard courses.

Three or four hours for each hour in class! That's a hoot!

Could it be that I'm just taking really easy classes? :D

It does vary in different classes, and it varies based on your talents. For example, a literature class may require reading a number of novels in the course of a semester. Some students are going to read them more rapidly than others because of their reading speed. Likewise, writing papers is a skill. What your skills are determines what is easy and hard, and your skills will improve with practice.
Also, I will admit that my figures are a bit out of date. Technology has improved. If you don't believe that, try writing a ten page paper on a typewriter, without erasures. If you miss a keystroke, you have to restart typing the page. Also, there is no spell check on a typewriter. The rough draft is a thing of the past, or rather it has been incorporated into the final product. It is what you write before you go back and revise.

I think I went through something similar around my second year of college. Calculus was really screwing with my head. The good news is that once you get past the stupid classes in the first two years you can start taking stuff that really interests you instead of the required weed-out classes. Stick with it until you get there, but consider the possibility that this isn't really the major that was meant for you. Not because you can't do it, but because favorite hobbies don't always make for favorite careers.

Ah, college! The first time most of us had to make the really difficult choices; what did we really want, what were our priorities etc. All these decisions being forced upon us with no real knowledge of what the end consequences. Couple these concerns with the worry of maintaining a good grade average drove a lot of us to suffer as you describe.
Keep ALL your options open! Figure out what you have to do to accomplish this and then do it! I'm sure that, once you make the necessary decisions, you'll find yourself in a much better state of mind.
I know it's easier to say than for you to make the decisions, but you seem to have made a good start.

Borg, here's some advice: fuck a lot of women, not just one woman, a lot of women. Oh, and start drinking heavily, beer don't cost nothing.

Thank you movie quotes.
Little Miss Sunshine eh? :thumbs:

I've dropped quite a few classes in my college days. It's definitely something to take advantage of! The important thing is to not take it too lightly when it comes time to retake it just because you think it'll be easy now that you know something about the class. You want to try to ace a class you are retaking.

I dont really know you that well but I can kind of understand what you are going through.

Keep in mind that I said "kinda"....

It actually sounds as if you're just burnt out and overwelmed. (going through that myself right now) It's hard to focus, each test is harder to study for, and you question if you really should push forward. Everything around you begins to suffer because frankly you are drained.

At the begining of the semester how were your study skills? How were your test scores?

It's very common to start doubting yourself, doubting the field, and begin to question "is this even worth it". Have you talked to School counselors about what you can do to improve your grades, or your instructors?

Only a little bit longer left in the semester, put your best foot forward, do the best you can, and when it's all said and done you can be proud of what you accomplished.

If this is really what you want to do, then GO FOR IT!!!
Someone mentioned earlier about student aid.... Use it, that's what it's there for.

Dont do something that you may regret later.

Best of luck
From one burnt out-overwelmed student to another!

Tisha

Little Miss Sunshine eh? :thumbs:
And Animal House.

I have already dropped two or three classes so far, but mainly because of attendence. I got sick during the up and down weather of Kentucky early on last semester - and couldnt get to class.

I know how the grades things go. I go to just a regular college where you can get admitted without even taking an ACT - but you never know what kind of professor you will run into when you got to keep grades up. It's always in the back of my mind.