1.)What's the difference between stress, tension & panic?

STRESS is when your wife is pregnant.
TENSION is when your girlfriend is pregnant.
PANIC is when both are pregnant.


2.) The Long Voyage
Lisa is going on a long ocean trip. She goes to the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a three-month supply of birth control pills and 100 seasick pills.
The baffled pharmacist looks at her and says; “Lady, if it makes you so sick, why do it at all?

3.) Mutation of deadly virus “I love you”
1. “I like you”.
2. “I like you, but let’s be friends”.
3. “I just wanted to hook up for a night”.
4. “I was drunk, I don’t remember anything”.
5. “Stop calling me, Idiot”.
6. “F*** Off!!!”