Ireland Declares War on France

Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo, Mr.. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back. Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr.. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Marphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr.. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 French prisoners."

:lolhit:

ahahahaahahahaaaahah, dumb french

Where's astra these days, I have a few questions about the next election for him since Chirac is leaving.

Good one SMW,its strange how jokes change around the world,in Ireland that jokes told,but they ring George not Jacque hehe

When I heard the joke, it was Hitler the Irish declared war on.

One good joke deserves another,heres one for ya my Texas belle.

Walking the Dog

A little girl asks her Mom
''Mom,can I take the dog for a walk round the block''
Mom replies
''No,because shes in heat''
''Whats that mean''? asked the child
''Go ask your father.I think hes in the Garage''

The little girl goes to the Garage and says,
''Dad,can I take Bell for a walk round the block,?I asked Mom,
but she said the dog was in heat
and to come ask you''
Dad says ''Bring Bell over here''
He took a rag,soaked it with gas,and scrubbed the dogs
hind legs
to disguise the dogs scent and said
''OK,you can go now,but keep Bell on the leash,and only
go one time round the block''
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later
with no dog on the leash
Surprised,Dad asked,''Wheres Bell''?






(YOUR GONNA LOVE THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

The little girl says,
''She ran outta Gas about halfway down the block
so another dog is pushing her home''.