Censorship (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,258076,00.html)



NEW YORK — There's disappointment in store for sweaty-palmed school boys throughout the country.

The annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue — that midwinter harbinger of summer delights that has thrilled young lads and their dads and granddads for decades — is gone from the local library.
You literally can't check it out anymore, unless you're a subscriber and your mom doesn't confiscate it.

The magazine decided this year to withhold delivery of the issue to all subscribers listed as schools or libraries in their database, according to a Time Warner, Inc. spokesman.

The decision was made after receiving negative feedback from such institutions that tend to draw a "younger audience," according to Time Warner spokesman Rick McCabe.

To top it off, the libraries and schools that subscribe to the weekly sports magazine weren't given any warning whatsoever.

"There was not any communication ahead of time. One communication that will go out now, hopefully next week, is a mail communication so they know the issue is available," McCabe told FOX News.com.

McCabe said libraries and schools would be able to request a copy of the swimsuit issue through a 1-800 number or through their Web site.
Home and business subscribers can opt out of receiving the issue, McCabe said, by alerting the circulation department before the issue is due out.
The annual issue features supermodels modeling what can loosely be defined as swimwear. Often they are dressed in practically nothing, and sometimes even less.

Beyonce Knowles donned this year's cover.


:rant:

Lame.

That isn't just lame, that's 'Uber-Lame!':rolleyes:

My library ( where I work) has issues of this out and available to all even as I type.

Heh, and they call us Hoosiers bumpkins---we're enlightened.

Nice rendova, keep the semi-porn avaliable for all!

Kinda reminds me of the last time I was in the library. I saw some old guy on the computer in the middle of the library looking at softcore porn and no one said anything to him. He was probably there for 30 mins just looking at porn.

Nice rendova, keep the semi-porn avaliable for all!

Kinda reminds me of the last time I was in the library. I saw some old guy on the computer in the middle of the library looking at softcore porn and no one said anything to him. He was probably there for 30 mins just looking at porn.

LOL, we would have said something. We're not THAT enlightened...and maybe revoked his library priviledges for awhile.
We can't be having that when there's young kids around. So says the Library Board, and I tend to agree.
Besides, we only have so many computers for public use--at last count, about 120, and people need them for legitimate research.

LOL, we would have said something. We're not THAT enlightened...and maybe revoked his library priviledges for awhile.
We can't be having that when there's young kids around. So says the Library Board, and I tend to agree.
Besides, we only have so many computers for public use--at last count, about 120, and people need them for legitimate research.

Glad to hear that some places have rules. We had a line of people waiting, and everyone in line could see what he was using the comp for.

I remember going to the library when I was young (like 13-14) with friends and looking at porn and we never got in trouble rofl. Then my family bought a computer. Hooray!

I remember going to the library when I was young, and looking at the National Geographic magazines. I also like the art books with various nudes. The librarian caught me perusing this material and called my mother, who informed her that if I was old enough to want to look at that sort of thing, I was old enough to do so. That was the last problem I had from the librarian.

lol

I remember going to the library when I was young, and looking at the National Geographic magazines. I also like the art books with various nudes. The librarian caught me perusing this material and called my mother, who informed her that if I was old enough to want to look at that sort of thing, I was old enough to do so. That was the last problem I had from the librarian.

Haha, thats awesome. Sounds like you have a level headed mother.

I remember going to the library when I was young, and looking at the National Geographic magazines. I also like the art books with various nudes. The librarian caught me perusing this material and called my mother, who informed her that if I was old enough to want to look at that sort of thing, I was old enough to do so. That was the last problem I had from the librarian.

The librarian drummed her fingernails on the check-out desk.
“Darn these wayward kids and their Dean Martin Show, their Frank Sinatra scooby-dooby-doo records, and their library-subsidized pornographic materials,” she fumed. “When will it all end?”

Just then, a noise by the wooden bookshelves dedicated to ‘Natural sciences & mathematics, 501 Philosophy & Theory thru 505 Serial publications’ caught her attention. She cocked her head, and then followed her instincts to the dark corner of the library where the periodicals and slickly-veneered magazines were stored.

Slouched against the doorframe leading to the Non-Fiction section of the library was a hulking and surly teenaged Imagineer. Clutched in his paws was the latest LOOK magazine, replete with a photograph of a nubile and provocative Audrey Hepburn on the cover.

“YOU again,” she shouted. “First you interfere with yourself in the Arts and Nature section, then you drag your MOMMY into the adjudication over your malfeasance, and now my very employment with the County Library System is in jeopardy. What do you want next, my dignity??”
The librarian paused to dab a bead of sweat from her brow with a delicate white handkerchief.

Imagineer shrugged. “Naw. I guess I just wanted your attention. Maybe I dig you, you know?” He ran his free hand thru his hair much like a scrawny and under-nourished Marlin Brando, and then fixed her with his devastating gaze.
“Maybe I just dig you.”

He never would figure out what turned the librarian that evening; his insolent attitude, or his adolescent man-scent. Imagineer was fresh-scrubbed and smelling of Ivory Soap, but he also had an earthy pheronomal musk about him that was probably very close to cat-nip for the sexually-frustrated librarian lady.

Imagineer later related to his therapist:
“She quickly put me in shackles, and then began to interrogate me. I didn’t have any knowledge of any subversive elements operating in the immediate area of the library, this was quickly apparent. After that, it simply became sport for her.”

"Is it hot in here, or is it just ME?" she queried, and then unbuttoned her otherwise matronly suit-coat. Underneath was a tiny black leather number that could only be described as 'brief', and 'the stuff of fetish dreams'.

"Come here and kiss my thigh-high leather boots!!" she barked out.

“I was terrified,” Imagineer wept. “Her body was magnificent, and terrible all at the same time. She had nipples as long as a man’s pinkie fingers. A sleek, slender, pale body, and a downy pelt that begged to be split. I became painfully aroused, and the buttons on my trousers literally strained at the seams.”



Wait, I’m just kind of noodling around on the computer keyboard here, and making this up as I go. There really isn’t anything socially-redeeming going to come of this.

Do you really want me to continue?

please do! it will save me from mentioning the underwear ads in the sunday paper:D

There really isn’t anything socially-redeeming going to come of this.
Do you really want me to continue?

oh my god. It's like a train wreck, you dont want to watch but you have to. Please do continue.

Imagineer recounted the events of such a long time ago.
The therapist listened patiently.

The teenage Imagineer almost immediately began to feel used.
The librarian had clearly been planning to put this saucy and provocative plan into operation for many, many weeks.

"Is this what you want from me?" he shouted.
Imagineer entered the librarian’s snug love-nest swiftly and decisively. She gasped, caught up in the danger and raciness of the whole scenario. The older woman growled naughtily.

A few moments in the otherwise peaceful library passed.
"All’s quiet here," the passing policeman uttered into his microphone outside. “The library’s locked up tighter than Fort Knox!”

Imagineer was inside, riding the elder matron like a furious jockey rides a thoroughbred. The librarian climaxed violently & wetly, again and again.

A few more moments passed. "Looks like the hardware store is preparing to put up a new sign," the patrolman called out. "There’s florescent tubes and stuff all over the front walk."
Imagineer's nostrils flared, and he suddenly & noisily ejected the full load of his urgent seed into the librarian's womb.

"The library’s a rocking!!" the cop suddenly announced.
Startled, Imagineer stopped in mid-stroke, still spasming involuntarily.

He cautiously & shakily cocked his ear.
"H-h-how do you suppose he knows we’re in here having sex??" he queried the trembling, naked, impaled librarian.

The policeman responded through the locked door, "Because, you two are laying on the public address system microphone! Get off it already!!"


The counselor leaned forward and offered Imagineer a tissue.
The old fellow’s shoulders shuddered as he recalled the shame, the indignity.

“It’s ok, really it is.” The therapist sat back in his armchair and adjusted his eyeglasses. “We’ve all done things we aren’t particularly proud of. I myself once abused myself while perusing the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition that featured Cheryl Tiegs. On the roof of the dorm where I resided while attending grad school.”

Imagineer implored the psychiatrist with his teary eyes, “Yeah? And what’s so wrong with that?”

“Well, for starters, my dorm was only two stories high. And it was broad-daylight. And the neighboring ladies dorm was right next door, and it went five stories high.”

“And so all the girls next door got to witness you…”

“Jerkin’ my gherkin. Pounding my steak. Polishing my spoke. Flogging my mule,” the therapist elaborated. “Beating my meat. Get it? I was mortified.”
He leaned forward. “But guess what?”

Imagineer held his breath for just a moment, and then reluctantly let it out.
“What?” he finally responded.

“I got over it. And you will too. If you just let yourself.”
The counselor glanced at his wristwatch in a manner that told his patient that the time was up for today.
“Look. It’s been over forty years now. I want you to go out and buy the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Do it today. Do not hesitate, go buy it, read it, and enjoy it. And above all, do not feel guilty about it.”

Imagineer stiffly got to his feet, gathered his belongings, and stood by the door. “You really think buying and reading that soft-core pulp product is going to do me some good?”

The shrink ushered his patient out the door, and fixed him with his most piercing and meaningful gaze.
“It’s just a magazine. Just like National Geographic is a magazine. What’s the worst that could happen?”
:eek:

Who'd want the library copy anyway? All the pages would be all stuck together, and it's probably been brought into the bathroom too many times.

Hey, that poor old man was probably doing historical research. Isn't that legit?

Sounds like at least one sweaty-palmed little boy is already very disappointed.