In the interest of fairness, I think I should share with our brother theists some kewl info to level the playing field, cause, as we all know, atheists vastly outnumber theists here, and we'll stop at absolutely nothing to irritate them. So, without further ado, fifty ways to irritate an atheist! Make sure you get good use out of them!




1) Ask them why they are bitter against God.

2) Tell them that if there's no God, they might as well go out and kill people.

3) Ask them to pray with you.

4) Invite their children to go to church with you.

5) Insist that there is a God, and show them where in the Bible it says so.

6) Hide Chick tracts in clever places around their office.

7) Tell them that the universe is too complex to "just exist," and must have been created by a God who "just exists."

8) Make up statistics.

9) End a discussion with "Well, I know you're smarter than I am, but I know I'm right."

10) Accuse them of persecuting you.

11) Bring up arguments that make no sense whatsoever; criticze their response with "You're just not making sense."

12) Use multiple versions of Pascal's Wager as though you thought them up yourself.

13) Use the Second Law of Thermodynamics to disprove evolution.

14) Post inane arguments on the Internet, and never follow up on them.

15) Say that seperation of church and state isn't in the Constitution; insist that the Constitution is based on the Ten Commandments.

16) Cite Kent Hovind as a legitimate source of information.

17) ...and call him "Dr. Hovind."

18) Tell them they know in their hearts that God exists.

19) Point out that we all take things on faith.

20) Before starting an argument, say "You're an atheist? That means you're going to hell!"

21) After losing the argument say, "I pity you."

22) Accuse them of willfully ignoring the "obvious truth."

23) Use bad math to back up your claims.

24) Drink the last beer in the fridge.

25) ...and buy natural light to replace it.

26) Witness for Jesus, and completely ignore anything your competition says.

27) Call him a meanie.

28) Tell him you don't care what you say or prove, you will still have your faith.

29) When given a Bible verse that looks bad, tell him that's what the verse says, but that's not what it means.

30) Argue that the Bible stories are not myths . . . they're parables. And they're all true!

31) Lead off your criticism of the Big Bang theory with the disclaimer that you're not a physicist like he is.

32) Lead off your suggestions for ways to prove that Noah's Flood occured with the disclaimer that you're not a geologist like he is.

33) Overwhelm him with your knowledge of science, using examples: "And because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on the spray can. The nozzle is entropy."

34) Use Latin a lot.

35) Maintain that the King James Version is THE Bible; ignore questions as to who was saved prior to 1611.

36) Tell him that Moses wrote the Books of Moses.

37) Explain that the lack of proof doesn't mean it didn't happen.

38) ...and give him a blank look when he says that all people tried for a crime would go to jail.

39) Blame absolutely everything wrong in society on evolution.

40) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.

41) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.

42) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.

43) Tell him that he acknowledges Christ every time he uses "A.D." -- which, of course, stands for "After Death."

44) Accuse him of being an agnostic, since he isn't 100% positive that God does not exist.

45) Insist that the Bible is meant to be taken literally -- all except that verse he just showed you.

46) Tell him that God works in mysterious ways.

47) ...and we're too small to comprehend his reasoning.

48) ...and we shouldn't think of him as "how he should be."

49) Point out that the fact that he talks about God so much proves God's existence.

50) Tell him you know God exists because Mount Everest exists.

http://myweb.cableone.net/silentdave/how_to_irritate_an_atheist.htm

:lolhit:

Number 45 was.......

"Insist that the Bible is meant to be taken literally -- all except that verse he just showed you."

Number 46 should have been.....

"Insist that the Bible is NOT meant to be taken literally -- all except the particular verse you're currently quoting in an attempt to prove the legitimacy of God's Word."

Funny post Napster, I particularly like #7.

I don't know about you, but natural light particularly irritates me!

"Let there be light!"

"Let there be real fucking beer in the fridge, fucktard!"

4) Invite their children to go to church with you.


I remember when I was a kid the church bus would cruise through the neighborhood looking for kids to take to church. If they did that now a days the FBI would be camped outside the church with tear gas.

Well done.

Might I add, "Tell him the Bible must be true because of all the prophesies."

Jebus, I think Fundies have actually used at least 30 of those 50 things on me, and I'm not even an atheist. Those would be funnier if they weren't all true.

I've gone through several particularly hellish debates revolving around this theme:
2) Tell them that if there's no God, they might as well go out and kill people.

The bastards just don't understand moral relativism, at all.

The bastards just don't understand moral relativism, at all.

For many of them, that is on purpose. They can't accept the idea of any morality that doesn't come from a book or a religious leader.

51. Remind them that they have friends and allies in people like Freethinker and Dingaling. (Otherwise known as the 'birds of a feather' philosophy.)

51. Remind them that they have friends and allies in people like Freethinker and Dingaling. (Otherwise known as the 'birds of a feather' philosophy.)

Somehow I don't think it will irritate an athiest to know he isn't alone. :rolleyes:

Guess not, unless he believes in the adage, "you're only as good as the company you keep."

Aiming low is easy.

BTW, good cut & paste job, Nappy. You atheists are really good at that, aren't you? Guess it comes from not having a Bible to reference when you're trying to prove a point... so you search the 'net and repeat what other nuts say.

*yawn*

BTW, good cut & paste job, Nappy. You atheists are really good at that, aren't you? Guess it comes from not having a Bible to reference when you're trying to prove a point... so you search the 'net and repeat what other nuts say.


So, let me get this straight, because athiests do not have a Bible to cut and paste from, you think that makes them better at cutting and pasting?

Not BETTER, dear. Just more sources to choose from.

Which is worse... quoting from a book that's been around for thousands of years... or quoting from some unknown person who happens to have a computer?

I'd say it's more a question of author credibility. If you want to worship at the feet of Nappy's "silentdave" that's your prerogative.

:)
SMW

P.S. Are you irritated yet?

Which is worse... quoting from a book that's been around for thousands of years... or quoting from some unknown person who happens to have a computer? The Bible is hilariously dry in its delivery of a violent past of the Jews, and then later the backwards thinking of the Christians, so it makes a good read.

Does it make, in any way, a credible source? No.

Aiming low is easy.

Perhaps.

But aiming for the absolute bottom requires supernatural power.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

""The orthodox God, when clothed in human flesh, told his
disciples not to resist evil, to love their enemies, and when
smitten on one cheek to turn the other, and yet we are told that
this same God, with the same loving lips, uttered these heartless,
these fiendish words; "Depart ye cursed into everlasting fire,
prepared for the devil and his angels."

These are the words of "eternal love."

The truth is that this belief in
eternal pain has been the real persecutor. It founded the
Inquisition, forged the chains, and furnished the fagots. It
subverted the idea of justice, drove mercy from the heart, changed
men to fiends and banished reason from the brain.

Below this Christian dogma, savagery cannot go. It is the infinite
of malice, hatred, and revenge.

Nothing could add to the horror of hell, except the presence
of its creator, God.""__________R Ingersoll

Which is worse... quoting from a book that's been around for thousands of years... or quoting from some unknown person who happens to have a computer?

I don't think that is a very good criteria for better or worse. I think the quality of the ideas matters more than how old the book is you are quoting from.


P.S. Are you irritated yet?

I'm not an athiest, Dearie.

To be quite truthful, I've only known one person who professed to be an atheist in my entire life. An uncle of mine who lived to ripe old age in spite of his affinity for upsetting most family gatherings with his rantings.

But on his death bed, he cried like a baby and begged God for forgiveness for his ignorance.

I only hope the nest of atheists here have the same opportunity and don't get hit by a bus or something.

I only hope the nest of atheists here have the same opportunity and don't get hit by a bus or something.
If I get hit by a bus that would be awesome.

BTW, good cut & paste job, Nappy. You atheists are really good at that, aren't you? Guess it comes from not having a Bible to reference when you're trying to prove a point... so you search the 'net and repeat what other nuts say.

*yawn*

hahaha, oh man. You get pissed off easily!

Which is worse... quoting from a book that's been around for thousands of years... or quoting from some unknown person who happens to have a computer?
That would depend entirely on what you are trying to accomplish.

To be quite truthful, I've only known one person who professed to be an atheist in my entire life. An uncle of mine who lived to ripe old age in spite of his affinity for upsetting most family gatherings with his rantings.
I'm an atheist! Nice to meet you. Let me know when you have more family gatherings, as all true atheists like to scream and rant at those. I am particularly good at ranting, the screaming I'm just OK at. Maybe a little more than average, but it doesn't compare to the rantings. I can really clear a room in a few minutes with one of my good rants. It goes on for hours at a time and I can rant on just about anything. You should see my family reunions, it's a bunch of screaming and ranting atheists. We're all crazy actually, and since we aren't religious we have absolutely no morals so our gatherings usually turn into massive bloodfests where we rampage down University Ave to loot stores, eat fatty food, randomly stab people and covet all our neighbors wives, all while being excessively proud of it.

But on his death bed, he cried like a baby and begged God for forgiveness for his ignorance.

I only hope the nest of atheists here have the same opportunity and don't get hit by a bus or something.
They've got a name for those - deathbed conversions. Basically the dying wants more than anything to have something more to look forward to, and is willing to put aside reason and logic for that ever so slim possibility that a magical land exists where they can live after they die.

Which is worse... quoting from a book that's been around for thousands of years... or quoting from some unknown person who happens to have a computer?

I would quote whichever one I needed to at the time. If it was for entertainment (like this one) I would quote the one that was most entertaining, and I promise you that the bible is not the most entertaining read. If I was looking for logic to support my arguement, I would quote the source that seemed to present the most logical ideas (the bible loses on that one too).

I'm an atheist! Nice to meet you. Let me know when you have more family gatherings, as all true atheists like to scream and rant at those. I am particularly good at ranting, the screaming I'm just OK at. Maybe a little more than average, but it doesn't compare to the rantings. I can really clear a room in a few minutes with one of my good rants. It goes on for hours at a time and I can rant on just about anything. You should see my family reunions, it's a bunch of screaming and ranting atheists. We're all crazy actually, and since we aren't religious we have absolutely no morals so our gatherings usually turn into massive bloodfests where we rampage down University Ave to loot stores, eat fatty food, randomly stab people and covet all our neighbors wives, all while being excessively proud of it.


They've got a name for those - deathbed conversions. Basically the dying wants more than anything to have something more to look forward to, and is willing to put aside reason and logic for that ever so slim possibility that a magical land exists where they can live after they die.
You're so cute, WW. I'm sure you were voted funniest senior boy in HS. When was that, 2 years ago?

But aiming for the absolute bottom requires supernatural power.


I am a god!

I had to give SMW a real thread dedicated to ridiculing Christianity, since she seemed so hell-bent on accusing us of it. Now her prophesy has become true!

Oh, and you aren't irritating us enough, SMW. Try numbers 21, 22, and 27.

You're so cute, WW. I'm sure you were voted funniest senior boy in HS. When was that, 2 years ago?

You're always good for a laugh. Yup, I'm 21 like it says on my profile. Graduated 3 years ago, so you were pretty close there. Shame on you for trying to rag on me for my age though *shakes finger*

After reading your posts on Atheists, I decided that it would be pointless to argue with you at all. I'll just entertain myself with your posts instead.

I am a god!
:@@: All hail WindWip :@@:

I am a god!
"...Windwip, known as Winduo to the Greeks and Whipus, is the esteemed god of real estate, California, and atheism. Temples all across the Mediterranean world are dedicated to him and run by Wind Virgins, who the god often has his way with and so has to seek new virgins to run the temple. He has produced no sons, but it is rumored the Zeus impregnated Dionysus to produce Windwip. Mythology scholars are still unclear on how a male was impregnated and what that means to the faith as a whole..."
-Excerpt from Evakpedia

You're always good for a laugh. Yup, I'm 21 like it says on my profile. Graduated 3 years ago, so you were pretty close there. Shame on you for trying to rag on me for my age though *shakes finger*

After reading your posts on Atheists, I decided that it would be pointless to argue with you at all. I'll just entertain myself with your posts instead.
Good idea, WW. And I didn't intend calling attention to your age as 'ragging' on you. Heck, if it wasn't for you and Nappy telling me how life REALLY is, why I'd be flat clueless!

Nappy, don't make me call Janrich over here. I'm pretty sure she could add some numbers to your cut & pasted list.

Whatever janrich has for us, I'm sure it's already been covered by the 281 points on the linked page. She doesn't seem to be a very creative sort.

Nappy, don't make me call Janrich over here. I'm pretty sure she could add some numbers to your cut & pasted list.
51. Be a complete imbecile.
52. Post on webforums to let people know of your lack of intellect.
54. Skip numbers because you think it is a clever game to play on atheists.

"...Windwip, known as Winduo to the Greeks and Whipus, is the esteemed god of real estate, California, and atheism. Temples all across the Mediterranean world are dedicated to him and run by Wind Virgins, who the god often has his way with and so has to seek new virgins to run the temple. He has produced no sons, but it is rumored the Zeus impregnated Dionysus to produce Windwip. Mythology scholars are still unclear on how a male was impregnated and what that means to the faith as a whole..."
-Excerpt from Evakpedia
Hahhahaa, I love it!

I got messed up parents though

How to irritate an atheistMy favourite Christian argument is the one that says there is no such thing as an atheist. "You can't prove a negative, for example you cannot say there is no gold in China unless you have searched every inch of that country. Likewise you cannot say there is no god unless you have searched every inch of the universe. Therefore atheists cannot exist."

In sum it argues you cannot prove a negative; and this is supposed to prove a negative.

Beautiful!

This is actually a pretty good and funny post Nap.

I am a god!
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/229.gif<---WindWip