President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Shit, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy."

LOL! you and your Bears!:rolleyes:

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

Hey Rivers, What you doing?

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

Hey! That's my joke. See - The lawyer & the bishop.

I am sorry, I just thought it was funny

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
LMAO

Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly check-up.

When it was finished, she asked her gynecologist how everything was. He said he was pleased and that she was in great shape, and that she was pregnant. "No way!" she exclaimed, but he assured her she was most definitely pregnant.

She stormed out of the examining room, grabbed the receptionist's phone and dialed the number to her New York apartment. When Bill Clinton answered the phone, she shouted, "I can't believe it! I'm pregnant! You got me pregnant!"

The president didn't say anything, and she screamed, "Didn't you hear me?? I'm pregnant! You got me pregnant!"

Hesitantly, the former-president asked, "Um...who IS this?"

:woohoo:

Top Four Adult Jokes of 2006

Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow
goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her
and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm
in room 221."

Third Place:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing
his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got
a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The
usband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow
too?"

Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he
had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to
overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came
home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I
had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" Oh,
Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed. Yes, I did." he replied. My God, Bill,
what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the
pickle slicer?" Oh...she got fired too."

Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years
ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know,"
the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird
fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old
times." Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the
table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I
wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal."

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."Ha ha ha!!

You tell that joke way better than es does! :)

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said,
"Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you
like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the
Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5
years. You can speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better
bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest.
"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that
the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister
Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best," said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch
since you got here."