I know I'll never understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hotwax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
***
An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000,000. The young man rushed into town,collected his
money, then hurried back home. He ran across the field,told his father the news, and handed the older man a $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said,
"Son, you know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the license to legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!," the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Yep", said the old man fingering the $50, "... and a cheap one, too.
***

"I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb. And I also know that I'm not a blonde."
- Dolly Parton