A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,wearing an oxygen mask,over his mouth and nose,still heavily sedated from a four hour surgical procedure.

A young,student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

''Nurse'',he mumbles,from behind the mask.
''Are my testicles black''?
Embarrassed,the young nurse replies,'I dont know sir,Im only here to wash your upper body and feet''.
He struggles to ask again.''Nurse,are my testicles black''?
Concerned that he may eleviate his vitals from worry about his testicles,she overcomes her embarressment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown,holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other lifting and moving them around.
Then she takes a closer look and says,''Theres nothing wrong with them sir''
The man pulls off his oxygen mask,smiles at her and says very slowly,
''Thank you very much,that was wonderful-
but listen very,very closely......................





''Are-my- test-results-back''?

super

I am going to have to copy that and send it out in an email to my friends.


Hey, Paul, how about hopping over to England and seeing what is wrong with Red. She hasn't posted here in quite awhile and since you are only a hop, skip, and a jump from her I see no reason you shouldn't knock her up or ring her up and find out why she isn't posting.

That joke reminds me of when Bill Clinton was hospitalized almost two years ago for a heart bypass operation. I wrote this bit back then.
Just picture Slick Willie in a hospital gown, kicked-back in his deluxe king-sized hospital bed:

Bill Clinton: Say, this private room is pretty nice.

Young Nurse: (fluffing pillow) Nothing but the best for a former US President!

Bill Clinton: You’re the best, little lady. Now, what say you do this elder statesman a teeny-weenie favor??

Young Nurse: Anything for you, Mr. President.

Bill Clinton: Well, I am a might tense and anxious, what with this quadruple bypass thingie they’re fixing to do to me, and I’m wondering if you can do something to soothe my jangled nerves.

Young Nurse: Would you like a sedative, sir?

Bill Clinton: No, ahhh… I was thinking about something more in the line of a physical act of kindness.

Young Nurse: Would you like a back-rub? (rests hand on the President’s shoulder)

Bill Clinton: NO, I want a front rub!
Doggone it, don’t you get it girly?
I want you to apply a little spit and polish to your Commander In Chief’s bayonet!

Young Nurse: Ew, sick! You want a blow-job?? You’re old enough to be my father!!

Bill Clinton: Look, honey. I’m facing the Grim Reaper next week. I’m scared to death I’m gonna die maybe, and I sure would hate to meet my maker with all this lust and anxiety in my soul.

Young Nurse: Well….

Bill Clinton: What’s the first thing they teach you in Nursing School? Comfort the patient, right? Well, I’m in bad need of some comfort! Get down here and do your sworn duty, young woman! Florence dadgum Nightengale herself would expect no less of you!

Young Nurse: OK, since you put it that way. (puts her head under the sheets and begins applying comfort)

Bill Clinton: Ah yeah, that’s more like it.
Oh my yes, that’s some quality nursing there!
Golly, you put Monika and Jennifer to shame, I swear you do.
Ooh, ooh, not so fast.
Ah, ahh… yeeee.. *ngnn* !!!

Hillary Clinton: (bursting into the hospital room) What the HECK is going on here??!!

Secret Service Agent: I’m sorry, Mr. President. She wouldn’t take no for an answer!

Young Nurse: (straightening her cap and smock) I’m so sorry, Senator. It’s just that he was so charming, and so convincing….

Hillary: *sigh* That’s ok, honey. He has that effect on a lot of people. (hands her a tissue) Here, you got a little DNA on your cheek there.

Young Nurse: (blushes) Thanks, ma’am. (departs with the Secret Service agent)

Hillary: (glaring at her husband) Well, what do you have to say for yourself??

Bill: Doggone it, Hill! How do you expect me to act? Ever since you went all Rosie O’Donnell on me, and started pitchin’ for the other team, you’ve kept the lovin’ locked-up tighter than Fort Knox!! Dang it, a man’s got NEEDS!!

Hillary: What about my needs? I have needs, and ambitions, and desires of my own. How do you expect me to be elected President in ’08, the first lesbian woman President in the history of the nation, when you keep fiddling with the young talent, and getting caught at it?

Bill: I, I…..

Hillary: I promised Pat Schroeder that I was going to make her Secretary of Defense!
I promised Ted Kennedy that I was going to make him the Secretary of State!
John Edwards a Supreme Court Judge!
Jane Fonda my Press Secretary!
Michael Moore and Janeane Garofalo were going to be advisors on my Cabinet!
Damnit, Bill! You’re not just letting me down, you are letting all these other people down too.

Bill: Honey I’m sorry. I promise I won’t do it again.
I swear, after this heart bypass surgery, I’m gonna be a changed man.

Hillary: You’re going to be CHANGED all right! I’m paying the doctor extra to have you spayed & neutered while you’re under the anesthesia!!

Bill: You wouldn’t do that!!

Hillary: You keep fooling around like this, and I just MIGHT!!
(departs the room in a huff)

Bill: Whew! (laying back on pillow) I swear that woman is so tense that if you stuck a lump of coal up her ass in about 10 seconds it would be a diamond.

The Dixie Chicks: (peeking their heads out the closet door) So she’s gone?

Bill: Yeah, the coast is clear. Now, get on over here and make an old man happy! It’s time to make a Bill Clinton sandwich, girls!!

The Dixie Chicks: YEE HAW!!!!

:thumbs: