View Full Version : How to lose work...ABCs
The Dude
03-06-2006, 05:56 AM
List alphabetically ways to lose your job. :D
Ill start with A,next person do B,etc.........
A... ALLOW your friends to come to your work place and have their band practice.
LionelHutz
03-06-2006, 11:16 AM
Break into your boss's office and rumage through other employee's files.
Imagineer
03-06-2006, 12:56 PM
Cheat on your wife with the daughter of your boss.
LionelHutz
03-06-2006, 09:49 PM
Do your boss's spouse.
Imagineer
03-07-2006, 02:43 AM
Egg the boss's car.
The Dude
03-07-2006, 08:32 AM
F - Find ways to make your boss look guilty of cheating on his wife with the secretary
LionelHutz
03-07-2006, 11:18 AM
Go to your boss's boss and tell him that your boss smokes crack.
Imagineer
03-08-2006, 02:35 AM
Hide the toilet paper from the executive washroom.
The Dude
03-08-2006, 07:00 AM
I - Irritate your boss by ringing him @ 3am and demanding a raise
LionelHutz
03-08-2006, 11:16 AM
Join a union.
Imagineer
03-08-2006, 12:56 PM
Know more than the boss.
LionelHutz
03-08-2006, 09:51 PM
Leave work two hours after you arrive.
Decka
03-09-2006, 01:02 PM
Mix a "roofie" into your boss's coffee and then laugh at him when he wakes up
The Dude
03-09-2006, 03:28 PM
N - Nose into your boss's private affairs,gain his trust,then spread it around the office :D
Imagineer
03-10-2006, 01:09 AM
Open a personal bank account using company funds.
LionelHutz
03-10-2006, 11:28 AM
Put your feet on your boss's desk.
Imagineer
03-10-2006, 12:19 PM
Quote your boss's orders back to him when he's looking for a scapegoat.
LionelHutz
03-10-2006, 10:23 PM
Redo your boss's Power Point slides right before he goes into the meeting with the CEO.
HaVoK
03-10-2006, 10:26 PM
Shit in a quater pounder box and put it on her desk. :eek:
Imagineer
03-11-2006, 07:25 PM
Take a few days off without calling.
The Dude
03-11-2006, 11:55 PM
U - Undo your boss's telephone jack and start laughing when he tries to make a call;makes faces @ him
Imagineer
03-12-2006, 11:12 PM
Vomit on your boss.
sedan
03-13-2006, 12:43 AM
Write the words 'Helter Skelter' in blood on your boss's office door.
The Dude
03-13-2006, 01:32 AM
X - Xtra Cases of Beer always look good piled up on your Boss's desk -- Makes sure he knows where they came from;turn him in to HIS boss :D
The Dude
03-13-2006, 11:46 PM
Y - Yell into the phone,moaning,etc'make your boss think your having an affair with his wife,play a recording of his wife's voice to make it sound legit :D
The Dude
03-14-2006, 12:15 PM
Z- Zero in on your boss's desk'make 1 of the legs shorter
NaNaNaNiki
07-12-2006, 12:53 PM
I guess I'll start all over with "A" again...
Ask if it's okay to bring a lion to work with you.
break something then when they ask you wtf you're doing, cuss at them and continue destroying things
WindWip
09-22-2006, 06:25 PM
P.. hmmm... what starts with p..
How about - Pissing into your boss's phone reciever so that it splashes in his ear when he picks up. Then call him pretending to be an important executive and keep him on the line for ages.
WindWip
09-22-2006, 06:26 PM
oh whoops, only read the first page
WindWip
09-22-2006, 06:30 PM
C - Caress your co-workers - especially the same sex ones.
shortstuff
11-21-2006, 12:43 PM
D-Dumb asses really do life on the forum sites!
es347fan
11-21-2006, 02:14 PM
E Engage them in political, religious and deeply personal sexual conversations
shortstuff
11-21-2006, 02:29 PM
F=Freaking funny ways to mess with a mans mind.
es347fan
11-21-2006, 04:30 PM
G - Grab your female co-worker's butts at every opportunity.
shortstuff
11-21-2006, 05:48 PM
H= Hides her ass as you walk by...... LMAO
Ride4Life
11-21-2006, 06:59 PM
I= I didnt do it
shortstuff
11-21-2006, 08:16 PM
J= Just thought it though..... LMAO
Ride4Life
11-22-2006, 03:09 AM
K= Kill the boss and shread the evidence
shortstuff
11-22-2006, 11:42 AM
L- Loves the thrill of the game!
hehe dances off and smiles, saying dang I have to work. This is the joys of being the boss though. :banana:
es347fan
11-22-2006, 12:02 PM
M - Make Alice B. Toklas (http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a940225.html) brownies for everyone.
Ride4Life
11-22-2006, 12:13 PM
N= Not working overtime tonight
rendova
11-22-2006, 12:13 PM
N--nap frequently and if you're called on it, threaten a lawsuit, then go back to sleep.
rendova
11-22-2006, 12:14 PM
Oooops, better do P--
P--post meaningless drivel on the internet on company time--like me.
Ride4Life
11-22-2006, 12:28 PM
Q= Quack like a duck so everyone thinks you're insane
shortstuff
11-22-2006, 01:58 PM
R- Really laughing hard at our little games we play. lol
Ride4Life
11-22-2006, 02:16 PM
S= Swish down the hallway and drive your coworkers nuts
(I could have said sexual harassment, but i'm not going there)
shortstuff
11-22-2006, 02:22 PM
T-Time to get my work finished and stop playing.
Ride4Life
11-22-2006, 03:41 PM
U- Uh huh
shortstuff
11-22-2006, 04:02 PM
V-Very funny, don't you believe me.
es347fan
11-23-2006, 07:26 PM
X - Xerox different parts of your anatomy and distribute the copies to every department.
shortstuff
11-24-2006, 09:04 AM
Y=You're not faxing any of my anatomy around the office..
Runs and hide her anatomy. LOL
Ride4Life
11-26-2006, 07:42 PM
What happened to "W"
Ride4Life
11-26-2006, 07:43 PM
Z= Zip it. Or better yet, unzip it.
es347fan
11-27-2006, 09:34 AM
W - Water sports at the office are always appreciated.
shortstuff
11-27-2006, 11:22 AM
A=All of this is just for fun!
Ride4Life
11-27-2006, 11:51 AM
B= Brown nose your boss
shortstuff
11-27-2006, 12:41 PM
C= come on there is more to life then what the boss thinks. Oh yeah I am the boss, ok brown nose all you want. hehe
Ride4Life
11-27-2006, 02:59 PM
Do as i say, not as I do, then blame it on the boss
shortstuff
11-27-2006, 06:52 PM
E= Everyone wants to drink by friday, love land of the little peeps.
Ride4Life
11-27-2006, 07:53 PM
F= Food fight in the executive lounge
~Sal~
11-27-2006, 09:38 PM
Ground up valium in the bosses coffee.
shortstuff
11-28-2006, 09:31 AM
H= Hopes the boss can go and hide for the rest of the day so we can play.
OH dang I am the boss hehe
es347fan
11-28-2006, 11:47 AM
I - Indolence, indifference, inept, irritating, instigating. All fine traits.
shortstuff
11-29-2006, 10:05 AM
J= Just popping in and saying hi, while the staff slave at work.
Ride4Life
11-29-2006, 10:20 AM
K= Kill time by Instant Messaging your friends
shortstuff
11-29-2006, 10:30 AM
L= Loves to work when she wants to and has fun doing it!
rendova
11-29-2006, 10:43 AM
Make toilet in executive washroom overflow by dropping spoons into it, flush repeatedly, blame on secretary.
The Dude
11-29-2006, 10:53 AM
N - Nose into your Boss's life by recording then playing back the phone call of him having an affair and make sure his wife is there;produce more and more evidence....
es347fan
11-29-2006, 12:54 PM
O - Openly and brazenly staring at every member of the opposite sex in the work area and making sexually suggestive comments whenever one ventures closely enough to be heard by you.
shortstuff
11-29-2006, 01:05 PM
P-Please keep in down outside my office I am trying to sleep.
es347fan
11-29-2006, 01:14 PM
Q - Quarantine the office with an anonymous letter sent containing a white powdery substance that many will mistakenly believe is anthrax spores.
shortstuff
11-29-2006, 01:15 PM
R= runs to the fire alarm exit and says the job is not worth it.
es347fan
11-29-2006, 01:18 PM
S - Spread vicious lies about co-workers.
shortstuff
11-29-2006, 01:24 PM
T-Tampers with the bosses mail.
Ride4Life
11-29-2006, 07:54 PM
U= Undermine your coworker's efforts by shreadding every interoffice memo
es347fan
11-29-2006, 08:33 PM
V -Vilify the upper management repeatedly.
rendova
11-30-2006, 07:37 AM
Get disgustingly Wasted at company Christmas party, do striptease, throw up on boss' wife, pass out on copier.
es347fan
11-30-2006, 07:40 AM
X - Demonstrate Xenophobic behaviors whenever a foreigner enters the work area.
rendova
11-30-2006, 09:03 AM
Yank boss' toupee of his head while he's presenting important presentation to bigwigs; blame it on "seizures" you've suffered ever since you were a small child.
es347fan
11-30-2006, 09:17 AM
Z - Scream hateful things at all zaftig women in the work area.
shortstuff
11-30-2006, 09:23 AM
A= Always keep an eye on the others and one up them!
rendova
11-30-2006, 11:13 AM
Am I the only one who wishes I actually had the nerve to pull some of these stunts? Like the toilet, toupee, or anthrax tricks?
It would almost be worth getting fired.
Anyhoo, getting some good ideas here--this thread cracks me up!
Phone in Bomb threat, using boss' cell phone.
es347fan
11-30-2006, 12:23 PM
C - Creatively and obscenely alter the firm's website.
Ride4Life
11-30-2006, 01:30 PM
Drop your drawers and moon your boss
es347fan
11-30-2006, 03:58 PM
E - Publish an expose featuring the firm's dirty little secrets.
Ride4Life
11-30-2006, 07:49 PM
F= Fondle your coworkers
DarkFantasy96
11-30-2006, 07:50 PM
Grope your boss!
Ride4Life
11-30-2006, 07:54 PM
H= Have a snow day in summer, and party
es347fan
12-01-2006, 12:21 AM
I - Imitate the boss - poorly & lewdly at every opportunity
DarkFantasy96
12-01-2006, 12:39 AM
Jab people with pencils when they try to talk to you.
es347fan
12-01-2006, 07:59 AM
K - Passionately and deeply kiss the boss's assistant (m or f) at every opportunity.
rendova
12-01-2006, 08:04 AM
Make voodoo wax doll of boss, stick pins into it, hold over flame, pull head off.
If caught, explain away by saying you're just "exploring different cultures" to help company expand into new and exciting markets.
es347fan
12-01-2006, 08:06 AM
L - Lewdly stare at all female employees over the age of 40, pointedly ignoring those younger ladies.
rendova
12-01-2006, 08:12 AM
Make Noose out of boss' ugly necktie that butt kissing secretary bought him for Christmas, hang him with it, explain away be saying you've had such "spells" ever since you were a small child.
rendova
12-01-2006, 08:13 AM
Learn the alphabet, hope it gets you a raise.
es347fan
12-01-2006, 08:16 AM
O - Obnoxiously throw tantrums for no apparent reason.
rendova
12-01-2006, 08:22 AM
Hold a "Hooray for Poop" Parade through company workplace; award prize to employee who brings in the most doo-doo.
es347fan
12-01-2006, 08:25 AM
Q - Brazenly shout Queer! whenever an individual of questionable gender enters the work area.
rendova
12-01-2006, 08:30 AM
Make boss die horrible death by putting Rat poison in coffee, explain away by saing you read company brochure on "keeping the workplace clean" and that's what you were doing.