View Full Version : How to lose work...ABCs
es347fan
12-01-2006, 08:36 AM
S - Sterilize all hand held work equipment by renting an autoclave from a hospital supply company and charge it to the company.
rendova
12-01-2006, 10:58 AM
Test- drive Tank into company workplace, tell boss you're celebrating Leon Trotsky Day, add that he's a "capitalist pig."
shortstuff
12-01-2006, 02:22 PM
U= Unleashes a nasty rumor the boss is sleep with his secretary.
es347fan
12-01-2006, 03:59 PM
V - While at a company luncheon, pretend to vomit from the meal while actually pouring from a concealed baggie & then proceed to eat it.
rendova
12-02-2006, 10:17 AM
Lure boss into executive Washroom, lock him in, slip note under door:
"Surrender or die."
rendova
12-02-2006, 10:18 AM
Buy boss thoughtful gift of box of Depend Undergarments for Xmas, tell him it's high time he started using them.
mikezila
12-02-2006, 01:33 PM
X-rated magazine subscription for your boss, sent to his office. same sex subject matter is even better.
sorry-i lost track of my ABCs
es347fan
12-02-2006, 03:05 PM
Y - Yellow and purple stripes sloppily spray painted throughout the work area.
mikezila
12-02-2006, 08:32 PM
Zebra stripes sure would look good on the boss' brand new Benz.:D
The Dude
12-03-2006, 02:49 AM
A - Ask your boss @ 3am if he wants to come over and get drunk with you and your friends;cause a big scene when he hangs up by going over to his house,waking up him again,acting like a 2yo and demand he join you....
mikezila
12-03-2006, 09:02 AM
B.y.o.b. ...to your boss' prayer breakfast.:drinktoth
The Dude
12-03-2006, 09:38 AM
C - Close all your boss's open documents and tell him your giving him the rest of the day off;delete them all right in front of him,laugh like crazy....
mikezila
12-03-2006, 11:36 AM
Drop that bothersome habit of wearing pants in the office.
shortstuff
12-03-2006, 11:40 AM
E= everyone gets naked and dances out side the bosses office.
es347fan
12-03-2006, 03:55 PM
F - Foul odors wafting from everywhere you hide dead fish throughout the work area.
The Dude
12-03-2006, 06:51 PM
Hehehehe
G - Give everyone a piece of pie except your boss,tell him he acts like a 2yo and doesnt deserve any;smear his piece all over his office walls & act like a raving loony..
mikezila
12-03-2006, 07:29 PM
Home-just stay there.
rendova
12-03-2006, 07:57 PM
Lethal--Inject your boss, explain away by saying you were kicked out of Nursing School and have never gotten over it.
rendova
12-03-2006, 08:01 PM
Give boss playful Jolt of Juice by rigging boss' chair into homemade Old Sparky, explain away by saying boss wanted to see "electrifying" results in workplace.
rendova
12-03-2006, 08:48 PM
Give boss helpful Kick down elevator shaft, blame it on "spasms" you've suffered ever since you were a small child, add that it's "not your fault" boss was "too fat" to be taking the elevator and really should have taken the stairs.
mikezila
12-03-2006, 08:53 PM
Leave early, leave often.
rendova
12-04-2006, 06:32 AM
When introduced to boss' lovely wife, shake her hand and say,
"Hhhmm, that's odd. He's told everyone you were his Mother."
The Dude
12-04-2006, 08:00 AM
Navigate around your office telling everyone about your boss's affair last night;call his wife and tell her right in front of your boss,make a big scene,stomp around...
shortstuff
12-04-2006, 09:22 AM
O= Ones the bosses mail and sends a nasty reply back!
es347fan
12-04-2006, 10:36 AM
Perform obscene acts with a blow-up doll in your work area.
rendova
12-04-2006, 11:00 AM
Quit taking your various "meds", use this as convenient excuse why you blow-torched boss to death and left him as a burned out lump of soot in his chair.
es347fan
12-04-2006, 11:10 AM
Redocerate the work area on the company's credit card while intoxicated on your favorite recreational substance.
shortstuff
12-04-2006, 12:50 PM
Stays late to rearrange the bosses desk so he can't find any thing in the morning!
rendova
12-04-2006, 02:15 PM
Encourage boss with his weight-loss plan; tell him that even tho he's lost 200 lbs, it's still like throwing two deck chairs off the Titanic.
smartmouthwoman
12-04-2006, 02:26 PM
Mutter Ugly next time you walk by the family picture on his desk.
smartmouthwoman
12-04-2006, 02:27 PM
Snuff your Viceroy out on his desk pad.
smartmouthwoman
12-04-2006, 02:28 PM
Invite a group of White Supremists to your next Diversity Day event.
smartmouthwoman
12-04-2006, 02:29 PM
Xerox a picture of your butt and post it on the cafeteria bulletin board.
smartmouthwoman
12-04-2006, 02:30 PM
Yell into your phone everytime the boss calls and tell him you must have a bad connection.
smartmouthwoman
12-04-2006, 02:31 PM
Tell him you've seen better Board of Directors at the Zoo.
(can we tell I've had alot of experience with getting fired?)
shortstuff
12-04-2006, 02:34 PM
A= And it starts all over again with smearing the bosses good name.
es347fan
12-04-2006, 06:17 PM
Boldly take the boss's parking spot daily.
mikezila
12-04-2006, 06:42 PM
Call the boss in the middle of the night...just to chat.
rendova
12-04-2006, 07:19 PM
Create heartwarming company Christmas card by photoshopping cute picture of boss squatting over big pile of Dog Doo-doo.
rendova
12-04-2006, 07:31 PM
If boss tells heartwarming story of how he occasionally wets the bed, buy him an Electric blanket.
rendova
12-04-2006, 07:32 PM
When boss tells heartwarming story of how his Father used to walk him to school, reply:
"He had to. He was in the same grade."
es347fan
12-04-2006, 09:33 PM
Goad your gullible co-workers into signing a petition calling for the boss to visit the guillotine.
mikezila
12-04-2006, 09:42 PM
Hide the timeclock
es347fan
12-04-2006, 11:58 PM
Incinerate the payroll records.
mikezila
12-05-2006, 05:33 AM
Jump up and down on your desk.
rendova
12-05-2006, 06:20 AM
Kill boss by jerry-rigging executive washroom into homemade gas chamber, blame on boss' chronic constipation.
The Dude
12-05-2006, 08:10 AM
L - Look into your boss's office and then make up what he is doing;call HIS boss with all the horrific details of how he is plotting against the company...Become a tattle tale in the office and tell all the staff also....
shortstuff
12-05-2006, 09:58 AM
M= Mimics the boss at the water cooler!
es347fan
12-05-2006, 02:47 PM
Nitrous oxide in the ventilation system will leave everyone laughing.
mikezila
12-05-2006, 06:58 PM
Open the windows on a brisk winter day.
The Dude
12-05-2006, 08:20 PM
P - Put Grease all over your boss's office chair,walls,etc;laugh like a 2yo when he slips all over his office,undress and act like a lunatic.....
mikezila
12-05-2006, 08:46 PM
Quit
es347fan
12-05-2006, 10:41 PM
Remove all the toilet flush handles and seats.
rendova
12-06-2006, 07:15 AM
Spiffy -up boss' dump yard attendant's wardrobe with fashionable rattleSnake necktie.
rendova
12-06-2006, 07:16 AM
Replace boss' rat-pelt rug with fashionable Christmas Tinsel Toupee.
The Dude
12-06-2006, 10:19 AM
U - Uncover the fraudalant activities your boss is doing and threaten to expose his ways if you dont get a raise;cause a big scene @ the company meeting..
es347fan
12-06-2006, 11:12 AM
V - Vandalize the restrooms by placing shrink wrap under all the toilet seats.
W wait until everyone has left and place a pink thong on your boss's desk.
The Dude
12-06-2006, 06:12 PM
X - Xerox 100s of $1 bills to the exact same color,etc and give them to your boss;have him buy 1000s of dollars worth of stuff then tell him your news :D
Ride4Life
12-06-2006, 08:11 PM
Y- Yell at the top of your lungs that your boss is a f****n idiot. Wait, thats old news and everyone knows it. Ya might have to work extra for that.
es347fan
12-06-2006, 08:33 PM
Zebra stripe the boss's office using clear florescent paint and change the bulbs to black lights.
rendova
12-07-2006, 05:52 AM
Announce that boss has starring role in new musical "Bimbos on Broadway", fat boss will play Broadway.
mikezila
12-07-2006, 07:55 AM
bring back tie-dye....on your dress shirts.
rendova
12-07-2006, 08:37 AM
Fire ants at Company picnic, make sure boss gets a buttfull.
Use handy Dumpster to dispose of boss' mutilated remains, blame on "voices" you've been hearing ever since you were a small child.
shortstuff
12-07-2006, 10:43 AM
E= Everyone goes and hides the important papers from the boss.
F forget to wear clothes to work
shortstuff
12-07-2006, 11:47 AM
G= Goes and listens to the rumor mill and keeps notes for later blackmail!
The Dude
12-07-2006, 12:43 PM
H - Hurry into your boss's office and spill his coffee all over his desk;laugh and call him the biggest idiot you know...
I ignore the fact that your boss has a wife and ask him to do you on your desk right then and there
mikezila
12-07-2006, 09:12 PM
Japanese anime-your new fashion plate.:thumbs:
shortstuff
12-08-2006, 11:35 AM
K= Keeps all the bosses steamy letters as black mail material.
Ride4Life
12-08-2006, 11:51 AM
L- Loose the key to your bosses office, and mysteriously find it in a coworkers desk
shortstuff
12-08-2006, 11:55 AM
M=Makes the secretary look like she is doing the boss all night long!
es347fan
12-09-2006, 09:49 AM
Nod off during staff meetings & snore loudly.
mikezila
12-09-2006, 10:37 PM
Offer the boss' daughter a little green (and i mean offensively little) for a little pink.
Imagineer
12-10-2006, 11:41 AM
Pee in the coffee pot.
The Dude
12-10-2006, 12:13 PM
Q - Quickly remove things from your boss's office,tell him your taking over as the boss;kick and poubt like a 4yo :D
mikezila
12-10-2006, 12:15 PM
Remove shoes and socks at the begining of your workday.
The Dude
12-10-2006, 07:45 PM
S - Sit @ someone elses desk and when they come back tell them your boss moved them over to the window cause he thinks they arent as good of a worker as you are;add fuel to the fire when the confrontation starts..
rendova
12-11-2006, 11:47 AM
Leave thoughtful gift of nicely-wrapped Tarantula on boss' desk for Christmas; call PETA if boss is mean to the creature.
Ride4Life
12-11-2006, 12:30 PM
Slap your coworkers on the rear and tell them what a good job they do
T- take your favorite sex toy to work day
The Dude
12-11-2006, 02:01 PM
U - Undermine your boss and call HIS boss and make up serious stuff about your boss;laugh like crazy when the confrontation starts....
shortstuff
12-12-2006, 09:03 AM
V= Very exciting listening to the office gossip and adds her two cents in.
The Dude
12-12-2006, 01:13 PM
W - Wonder around your office like you didnt know what you were doing;start yelling at your boss saying she's an idiot and is doing everything wrong.
shortstuff
12-12-2006, 01:43 PM
X= X-ray the food but forget to tell the boss it is poisoned.
mikezila
12-12-2006, 03:44 PM
you tube videos running on your computer constantly..volume turned up too!
shortstuff
12-13-2006, 08:52 AM
Z= Zips her lips as she hears her boss is banging the payroll clerk.
rendova
12-13-2006, 09:30 AM
Arsenic sprinkled on boss' daily breakfast of 2 dozen donuts.
shortstuff
12-13-2006, 09:33 AM
B= Brings some brownies with ex-lax in them.
rendova
12-13-2006, 09:33 AM
Bring in cute, unhousebroken pet chimp Bubbles to important company meeting.
rendova
12-13-2006, 09:35 AM
Take in cute abandoned kittens to workplace, tell newspaper reporters that boss is running Cathouse.
shortstuff
12-13-2006, 09:59 AM
D=Dumps all her home life problems on the boss and tells him to fix it.
rendova
12-13-2006, 10:30 AM
Spread hilarious story that boss moonlights as an Exotic dancer; ask him to perform at company Christmas party.
shortstuff
12-13-2006, 10:59 AM
F= Finds someone to sleep with the boss and takes nude pictures.
G get a chainsaw and run around the workplace screaming you'll kill everyone if you don't get a raise
mikezila
12-13-2006, 05:21 PM
Hold mistletoe over the boss's wife.
rendova
12-14-2006, 02:10 PM
Tell boss that he's an Icky-icky, big fat turd, then use Ice pick to gouge his eyes out, blame on "regressive spells" you've suffered ever since you were a small child.
The Dude
12-14-2006, 02:54 PM
J - Jerk the boss around telling him lie after lie;call his wife and plan an evening with her in front of him :D
K kick a poor defenseless puppy. when your boss asks why you did it, tell him you were imagining it was him