Hello, all.

My girlfriend (Kym) and I recently attended a 21st birthday party for our friend Matt. Kym was sick this week so she planned to drink very little, but wound up playing some beer pong and having a few shots. She later went to the bar in town with the other 21-year-olds (I'm still only 20). I met her outside the bar and walked her to my dorm room. She was VERY drunk and could barely walk properly. She saw the anger on my face and insisted I tell her what was up. I told her I was dissappointed that she drank so much, including 2 beers and 4 additional shots at the bar (2 of which were taquilla).

She then starting throwing my laundry around the room in her severely drunken state and started to cry a little. I put my hand on her shoulders and told her to talk to me, but instead she kept shoving me away. I had felt left out the whole evening, my girlfriend was beyond wasted (which has become a pattern recently...) and now she was shoving me and throwing my shit around?? I let her leave my room and I pushed her along out the door. My major error is that I pushed too hard, and in her drunken state she could barely stand as it was. She fell on the floor, then got up and left to go to her apartment. I ran after her and apologized, and asked if we could sort things out. She took off. When she got to her apartment she told her roomates that I shoved her and she sobbed.

Today we discussed everything. She has no injuries, not even a rug burn or anything (thank god). We realized that we were both in the wrong in one way or another and apologized to each other. No one is physically hurt.

But the problem now is that all her roomates think I'm abusive and encouraged her to break up with me. She came over to my dorm to do so but we wound up realizing how much we cared and recognized this as an isolated incident. It shouldn't have happened, but only emotions were hurt and we're doing okay. So we're together, but there is now a major strain on her because her roomates despise me.

What I'm looking for is some objective opinions. I know I shouldn't have pushed her so hard, I really didn't mean for her to fall (I'm a foot taller too so it didn't take much strength). But this doesn't make me abusive, does it? I'm the type of guy that treats his girl like a princess, and I would never intentionally harm her. So what should we do? Does a break up make sense? How should we deal with her bias roomates (they've always generally disliked me)?

I just really feel guilty and need some guidance right now. I appreciate any help you can offer.

Be a man son .............she and her friends are not good for you .....dump her. She obviously doesn't want to be with you.

You are only 20 years old ..............you shouldn't have to put up with that crap. At this time in your life ....you have ......."bigger fish to fry"

Dump her ......and ........her friends.


Slim

Well, see, I actually care alot about this girl. I'm not just looking for someone to sleep with here. I CARE. And you don't just dump people you care about, now do you? Fuck her friends perhaps, but giving up on her at this juncture is unjustified.

Assuming that your description is accurate, I don't think you're abusive at all.

As for caring about her - caring about someone and being truly compatible with them are two different things. You really need both to have a successful relationship. Of course only you can answer whether or not that's the case.

Well, I confronted her roomates and asked for their honest opinions and the consensus is that I am an alcoholic. Except I drink the same or less as the rest of them, and I've been the one helping my own girlfriend stumble back to her room because she couldn't walk. Obviously I'm not drinking to the point that I'm out of control. In fact, I was sober enough to help someone else who was drunk.

Last semester I did have some issues with drinking, whether it was simply having too much or calling one of her roomates several names. When The school year started I had just gotten on medication for depression/OCD and my father had beaten me the night before returning to campus. Plus at the time Kym and I were broken up. Lots of stress, and I foolishly took solice in booze. Not often, but when I did I drank too much. I have since corrected this, with Kym's encouragement, and I've been fine since then (aside from this recent incident).

I'm extremely tempted to take slims advice and just forget 'em all. They couldn't even confront me to my face and address their concerns, and yet they keep saying "we care, we care". I believe they do, but the actions just don't show it. Unless you count forbidding me to drink a single drop at someone else's 21st birthday party a few months ago as "caring". All I felt was singled out and alienated from the group. It just... it just isn't right. Yes, I've made some mistakes and I have a share of flaws, but I felt I'd corrected many of them. Yes, I pushed my girlfriend out of my room. If this were done in a gentle manor, no one would be upset. But I pushed too hard, I was drunk, and it was an accident. And it does matter that the isn't injured. She said it didn't even hurt (course, she was drunk...) but that she was emotionally shocked. Yet I keep being labeled as abusive and it angers me a great deal. Granted, emotional hurt can be just as bad. But we talked about and we got over it.

Yet her roomates pursist on making a larger issue out of this and frankly it isn't there place. Yes, if I actually injured her or were in any way an abusive boyfriend they should step in. But I'm not. Kym trusts me, she isn't afraid of me, she doesn't think of me as violent... just leave me and Kym alone, people!

This is when you pull a Scott Peterson. Get a cinder block, some rope, and take your girlfriend "fishing"

I wouldn't worry about what her friends say, comics. This is not their business--it's yours and hers.

But, if your girlfriend drinks a lot, or can't handle her liquor/goes to bars a lot, that is your real problem.

I was not there, and have no way to know what happened. I ask you to look within yourself honestly and ask if you were angry when you pushed her. If so, you may have pushed harder than you realized at the time.
I would also like to warn you about something. You mentioned taking anti-depressant medication, and many such medications can interact badly with alchohol. It is probably better not to drink at all while taking such medications. That is an issue you may want to discuss with your physician.

Are you an abusive boyfriend? No, now feel better? :D

From this passage, it sounds as either she is overeacting as a result of the drunken haze, her friends despise you and spurred on this debacle, or you handled the situation very poorly). Also, it seems as if alcohol is becoming an increasingly important factor in her life, supplanting you at certain opportunities.

Originally posted by rendova
But, if your girlfriend drinks a lot, or can't handle her liquor/goes to bars a lot, that is your real problem.
Bingo. You may have bigger problems than pushing her a bit too hard. She planned to drink little, but could not stick to that? She could be starting down the road to alcoholism.

Sounds like boose is the problem why not try a few weeks of being sober. If she is a loon while drinking then find something else to do. If she can't be away from the alcohol, and you really do care then do something about it.

UPDATE: She's finally come around. Kym is going to lay off alcohol for a few weeks all together and after that will go to the bar rarely. This way I can always be around to help if I think she needs it. She also plans to live in single dorm away from her roomates since they obviously have an irrational vendetta against me. All in all these are HUGE steps for her. She broke up with me last summer because of pressure from her "friends" but she has finally, FINALLY seen the light.

This sounds like a doomed plan to me.......*L*.

You are gonna end up acting as her father .....and ..she is gonna end up having no fun when she goes out.

You guys are 20 years old .........forget about this fantasy and go out and live your lives.

Being compatible actually means something in a relationship.


Slim

Also, about me mixing my medication and alcohol... the only side effect is that it can make me extra drowsy. Fortunately I'm on an extremely low dosage so the effects are essentially non-existent. Thanks for concern though, I know that alot of times meds + booze = major health problems.

We are very much compatible, slim. I've only shared about a problem we've had, not all the amazing good times we've shared as well!

I don't plan to always be there when she drinks and acting like her father... hell no! I'm just planning to be there for the short term so I can help if she needs it. After that it's up to her.