Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.--W.C. Fields

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.--Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.--Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.--David Moulton