Little Johnny was planning on getting lots of preasents for Christmas. He knew that god had a connection to the North Pole, and stood up and started to pray.
"God, i have been a child of perfection this year. I think i should get lots of preasents... no that won’t work."
He got on his knees.
"God, I haven’t been the best child since last December. I still deserve lots of preasents for my efforts... no that can’t work either!"
He laid face flat on the floor.
"God, I have been a complete devil this year. But i can change, I promise! No, theres no way he beleive that!"
Johnny went to his last resort. He walked over to the modle of the stable that jesus was born in. Little Johnny reached in and pulled out the virgen mary. He went into his room, wrapped mary in a sock, and placed her in his drawer.
"God, if you ever want to see your mother again...

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and tells the artist that she wants a tattoo of santa claus on her inner right thigh and the thanksgiving turkey on her inner left thigh. The artist says, "ma’am that’s kind of a strange request ... might i ask why you want those particular tattoos there?" "Well", she says, "my husband’s always bitching that there’s nothing good in the house to eat between thanksgiving and christmas, so i thought i would fix that!"