AT THE BEEP..."

Actual Answering Machine Messages Recorded and Verified By The World
Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages:

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll
leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're
finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their
picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone
number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and
your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one
of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the
money.
If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you
didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you
are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're
not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a
"sexy"
message, I'll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave
me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified
by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine
Messages.

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing
it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So
leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you
back.

:D

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're
not here. So, leave a message.

ahh college kids ;)

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a
"sexy"
message, I'll call sooner.

That'd be quite a scene if your parents/grandparents called and got that message...

I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.- last lines from Neo, The Matrix= my answering machine.

usually people hang up on that, or ask alot of hellos and get confused. :)

"Hello? ........yeah, hi! ......ok........yeah.......ok, well, this is an answering machine, so would you mind saying all that again?"

if you wish to speak to (husband) press 1 now..if you wish to speak to (wife) press 2 now.if you are one one of our children we have moved...if you are looking for money please hang up now.

Rings straight to voicemail...

"Hi yeh hold on will you............................................... .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ....................................."

Id allow maybe a 5 minute silence :)