Thank you everyone!

I must give my thanks to whoever sent me the one about
roach eggs in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to
get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I want to thank you who have taken the time and trouble to
send me your chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank
you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people
who make these products are atheists who refuse to put
"Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will
drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my
every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my
prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a
wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.


Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00
PM(CST) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your
back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician

I must give my thanks to whoever sent me the one about
roach eggs in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to
get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

They sell nifty bottles for letter sealing for that reason.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.

Must be a great cleaner for your digestive system.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people
who make these products are atheists who refuse to put
"Under God" on their cans.

That's too bad, since Coca-Cola does not appear to either. Well, i guess its going to be Real Cheap...i mean...Royal Crown cola for you.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

Best not use a public seat either since that will give you herpes.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Get a patent for that scent quick before Axe starts selling it in their spray cans.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will
drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

Wire yourself up with plenty of bombs and they will back off

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

and the new DHL is a branch of Hezbollah

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

No more Yoplait for you then!

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

And they may kill you with poison gas sent through the wires

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

Hey now! be nice to them, those guys in DC aren't THAT ugly

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

Nike must be having a going out of business sale

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe.

Let me guess: eggs, flour............

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my
every wish.

Bah! the flying spaghetti monster gives me free beer.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my
prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a
wish within five minutes.

And if you don't you get damned to hell for all eternity

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

Oh no! my scam has been discovered


:D :D :D :D :D
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Nothing is more annoying than spam you get by the truckload everyday. Increase your *ahem* size, get slim now!, Free *** videos, Airline ticket coupon!, Buy our newest toy for your kids or they'll hate you!
And those stupid little emails with worthless and usually false trivia can get on my nerves.
If i ever find the man who developed the program for spam ads and emails, i will burn his house. :rant: