Tapeworm
07-07-2005, 11:59 AM
A major research institution has just announced the
discovery of the heaviest element yet known to
science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons,
75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected, as it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny
amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take
less than a second. Governmentium has a normal
half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some
scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element which radiates just as much
energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as
many morons.
discovery of the heaviest element yet known to
science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons,
75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected, as it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny
amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take
less than a second. Governmentium has a normal
half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some
scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element which radiates just as much
energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as
many morons.