Ok, Ok..It was one of those things where late one night I just felt like getting some things off my chest. Its a rough draft. Tell me what you think. Be honest...
Title: Shattered Dreams

Little Dreamer Girl
Gazes at the stars
With hopes and dreams
Dreams of love and peace
No war or hate,
No anger,
No illness or disease

But then one day
The girl took ill...
And everything had changed
All hopes and dreams were memories
Her life felt far away

Reborn Dreamer Girl
Gazes in the mirror
In confusion and disbelief
Standing there before her,
Was an Angel of Shattered Dreams


Soo thats it!! Comment please

My advice: show, don't tell.

Originally posted by Jester
My advice: show, don't tell.
I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean?

If I remember correctly from school, it's better to SHOW in a literary work or poem than to TELL it.

For example, if you SHOW it, you want people to envision it. To see the little girl looking at the stars.
If you want to TELL it, just write it and all people will do is read it.

I think...oh I don't know don't listen to me. Good Poem though. Reminds me of Cancer...

Nice poem.

Me and my friend had a plan to go mess with the poetry nights at some of the coffee houses. Our plan...Haikus only!!!

Ill see if I can dig some up.

haiku geurilla
start another haiku thread
lets all do haiku

Hey thanx for the input...the haiku thing at a coffee house sounds fun..

The mental giant
Says what we are all thinking
"Get a brain, moran."

The grammar Nazi
Imposing his grammar will.
Topple the tyrant.