HaVoK
02-21-2005, 01:56 PM
A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all
of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied: "Well, son, you must have got it from your
mother, 'cause I still have mine."
-------------------------------------------------
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully." the divorce
court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," said the husband, "And every now
and then, I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
-- ----------------------------------------------
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside and said, "I
don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither, Doc," said the husband, "but she's a great cook and
really good with the kids."
--------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse
he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe,
but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the
curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you
man and wife."
-------------------------------------------------------
Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
----------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
--------------------------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Monzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."
---------------------------------------------------
Moe: "my wife got me to believe in religion,"
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her, I didn't believe in hell."
------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
feeling.
'"I'm O.K., but I didn't like the four letter word the doctor used
in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
----------------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband & I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been a least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
advice.
"What do you think?" I asked, "Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in
one."
of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied: "Well, son, you must have got it from your
mother, 'cause I still have mine."
-------------------------------------------------
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully." the divorce
court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," said the husband, "And every now
and then, I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
-- ----------------------------------------------
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside and said, "I
don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither, Doc," said the husband, "but she's a great cook and
really good with the kids."
--------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse
he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe,
but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the
curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you
man and wife."
-------------------------------------------------------
Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
----------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
--------------------------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Monzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."
---------------------------------------------------
Moe: "my wife got me to believe in religion,"
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her, I didn't believe in hell."
------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
feeling.
'"I'm O.K., but I didn't like the four letter word the doctor used
in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
----------------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband & I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been a least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
advice.
"What do you think?" I asked, "Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in
one."